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中式英语闹出的笑话

作者:高级段子手发布时间:2019年12月06日 12:19:19分类:英语笑话浏览:138评论:0


导读:
1、

What Color什么颜色
An impoverished graduate student at Clemson University in South Carolina, I was excited when my father informed me that he had bought me a car. Hardly able to contain my enthusiasm, I asked Dad the typical questions: "What kind is it? Does it have a stick shift? Does it have a tape deck?"  
"It‘s a 1982 Toyota," he replied. "It‘s a four speed, and, yes, it has a tape deck . " Pleased, I asked what color it was.   
"Well, " he said uncomfortably, " which part?"

作为南卡罗莱那州克莱姆森大学的一个本科生,我囊中羞涩,当我父亲告诉我他为我买了辆车时,我甚是激动。我几乎控制不住我的热情,问了爸爸几个关键问题:“什么车?有没有手排挡?有没有磁带舱?”
“是1982年产丰田车,”他回答说,“四速,还有,是的,有磁带舱。”我甚是高兴,又问是什么颜色的。
“哦,”他很不舒服地说,“你指哪一部分?” 


2、

A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, Aren‘t you pleased that you‘ve come to live with us now?

一位年轻的母亲认为,世界上还有许多受饥饿的人,浪费食物真不应该。有天晚上,在安排幼小的女儿睡觉之前,她给女儿喂夜宵。她先给她一片新鲜的黑面包和黄油,但孩子说她不喜欢这样吃。她还要一些果酱涂在面包上。母亲看了女儿几秒钟,随即说道,露茜,当我象你一样小的时候,总是吃面包加黄油,或者面包加果酱,从来没有面包既加黄油又加果酱。露茜看了母亲一会儿,眼中露出怜悯的神情,然后她柔声说:您现在能跟我们生活在一起难道不感到高兴吗?


3、

A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you‘re stupid, stand up!"
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you‘re stupid, Johnny?"
"No, ma‘am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

一个老师在对学生们讲心理学,“谁认为自己蠢就站起来?”她一开始就说。
小约翰尼站了起来。
“你认为你很蠢吗,小约翰尼?”老师问。
“不是的,老师,我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”


4、

Two attorneys went into a restaurant and ordered two drinks. Then they brought out sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner marched over and told them, "You can‘t eat your own sandwiches here!"

The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

两个律师走进一个餐厅,要了两杯饮料,从包中拿出三明治开始吃起来。餐厅老板走过来警告说,“你们不能在这里吃自己的三明治。”
  
两个律师对看了一眼,耸耸肩,然后交换了手中的三明治。


5、

Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don‘t know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.

父亲:哎,汤姆,今天我跟你们老师谈过,现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒?
汤姆:我不知道,爸爸。
父亲:啊,不对,你知道!想想看,当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时,谁在课堂上坐着,只是看人家做功课?
汤姆:我们老师,爸爸。


6、

Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don‘t give me a nickel I‘ll tell my father.Sister‘s boyfriend: No, don‘t do that. Here‘s a nickel.Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I‘ve made this month.

弟弟:我看见你亲我姐姐了,如果你不给我五分钱,我就告诉我爸。姐姐的男朋友:不要那样做。给你五分钱。弟弟:我这个月已经赚了一块两毛五了。


7、

A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer. No, ma’am, we haven‘t had any for a while, and it doesn‘t look as if we‘ll be getting soon.Horrified, the manager came runningover to the customer and said, Of course, we‘ll have somesoon, We placed an order last week. Then the manager drew the clerk aside: Never, never, never say we are out of anything say we‘ve got it on order and it‘s coming.Now what was it she wanted? Rain, said the clerk.

一个商店经理听见一个店员对顾客说:不,夫人,这会儿没有,一时半会儿看来也不会有。经理惊恐万分地跑到顾客跟前说:当然,马上就会有的。我们上周订了货。然后经理把店员拉到一边:千万,千万,千万不要说我们没有什么,说我们已经订了货,货马上就到。现在你说她要买什么? 雨,店员说。


8、

Traveling salesmen make their living visiting as many customers as possible. So speeding to get from one appointment to the next is not unheard-of. Which is how I got pulled over by a highway patrolman. "Don‘t you ever look at the speedometer?" the officer scolded. Before I knew it, the truth spilled from my mouth. "As fast as I was going," I admitted, "I was afraid to take my eyes off the road."

因为旅行推销员为了谋生需要拜访尽量多的客户,所以超速飞车赶场对于他们来说也不是没有过的事情。有一次我就因为超速度行驶被一个公路巡警拦了下来。“你有没有看过你的时速表?”那名警官责问。当我的回答一出口,我立刻后悔了,但已经太晚了。“车开得越来越快”,我如实地说,“我的眼睛得一直盯着前面,没敢看别的”。


9、

A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. Now, children, said she, has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?
Please, teacher, said a small boy, I‘ve made someone glad yesterday.
Well done. Who was that?
My granny.
Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grand mother glad.
Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, ‘Granny, I‘m going home,’ and she said, ‘Well, I‘m glad’!

一个主日学校的老师正在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。现在,孩子们,她说:你们当中有谁让别人高兴过?
我,老师,一个小男孩说:昨天我就使别人高兴过。
做得好,是谁呢?
我奶奶。
好孩子,现在告诉我们,你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的。
是这样的,老师。我昨天去看她,在她那儿呆了三个小时。然后我跟她说:‘奶奶,我要回家了。’她说:‘啊,我很高兴!’


10、

Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn‘t see the bird, ma‘ am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma‘am, it just resembles your hair. "
Notes:
(1) inform v.告诉
(2) nest n.窝;巢
(3) description n.描述
(4) encourage v.鼓励
(5) resemble v. 相似;类似
鸟窝与头发
我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。
“是什么鸟呢?”我姐姐问她。
“我没看到鸟儿,老师,只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。
“那么,你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗?”我姐姐鼓励她道。
“哦,老师,就像你的头发一样。” 


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