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两人英语对话笑话大全

作者:高级段子手发布时间:2019年12月06日 12:19:19分类:英语笑话浏览:148评论:0


导读:
1、

A wealthy matron(主妇,保姆) is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric(古怪的) woman.
Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous.
Years later, he retires and truns the business over to his son. ″Dad,″ says the son, ″there‘s something I‘ve got to know. How did you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly?″
″Son,″ the father replies, ″I painted the vase.″

一位富婆为拥有一只珍贵的古玩花瓶而深感骄傲,以至于竟要把卧室漆成与花瓶同样的颜色。几名油漆匠试图调出这个底色,但是谁也不能令那位古怪的妇女满意。
最后来了位油漆匠。他非常自信能调出那种颜色。那位富婆对他的成果非常满意,油漆匠于是一举成名。
多年以后,他退休了,生意也交给了儿子。“爸爸,”儿子说:“有件事我得弄清楚,您是怎样使墙的颜色与花瓶配得那么完美的?”
“儿子,”父亲回答说:“我漆了花瓶。”


2、

My infant daughter began crying as I drove home from the store, and since she was harnessed to her safety seat in the back, I couldn‘t console her. Stopping for a red light, I turned around and waved my hands, calling her name to distract her. I gave her my biggest smile and blew her a kiss. The sound of a horn from the car behind us prompted me to look up. The young man at the wheel was smiling broadly .He waved and then blew me a kiss.

从商场开车回家的路上,我的小宝贝女儿开始哭闹起来。由于她被套在后面的安全座里,所以我无法安慰她。红灯停车的时候,我转过身来,对她摆手,叫她的名字来引她。我给她以满脸笑容,并给她一个飞吻。从我们车后传来的喇叭声立刻使我抬头望去。驾车的小伙子正对我咧着大嘴笑。他向我摆手并给了我一个飞吻。


3、

All I do is pay

  "My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My
wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war,
and my daughter is foreign secretary."
  "Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your
position?"
  "I’m the people. All I do is pay."

  我要做的一切就是付钱

  布朗先生告诉同事说:“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。我妻子
  是财政部长。我岳母是作战部长,我女儿是外交秘书。”
  “听上去挺有意思的,”他的同事说,“那你的职务是什么呢?”
  “我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付钱。”


4、

A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."
"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I‘m not dead. I‘m still alive."
"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院。他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:“我想他伤得很厉害。”
医生说:“恐怕他已经死了。”
听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:“我没死,我还活着。”
妻子说:“安静,医生比你懂得多。” 


5、

One evening I drove my husband‘s car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.‘The woman who loves
you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.‘
My husband looked up and said, ‘Mom‘s here?‘
一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物,回来后发现车身沾满灰尘,于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊:“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”
我丈夫抬头看了看,说:“妈妈来了?”


6、代课教师试图运用她的心理学知识。开始上课时,她说……A substitute teacher was trying to make use of her psychology background. She began her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you‘re stupid, please stand up." Right away, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Why do you think you‘re stupid, Little Johnny?" "I don’t, ma‘am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"代课教师试图运用她的心理学知识。开始上课时,她说:“谁觉得自己很愚蠢,请站起来。”小约翰马上站起来了。老师问:“为什么你觉得你很愚蠢呢,小约翰?”“我不觉得我很蠢,只是我不愿意你一个人站在那!”这篇材料你能听出多少?点击这里做听写,提高外语水平>>
7、

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?
汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?

Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
约翰尼:他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

Tommy: That‘s too bad. How did that happen?
汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。


8、

A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric woman.

Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous.

Years later, he retires and turns the business over to his son."Dad, “says the son, there’s something I’ve got to know. How did you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly?"

"Son”, the father replies, I painted the vase."

一个富有的主妇很是骄傲因为她收藏了一件非常有价值的古董花瓶,于是她决定把卧室粉刷成与花瓶同样的颜色。许多油漆匠都试图尽力与花瓶的颜色匹配,但是没有任何人能做得 让那古怪的女人满意的。

一个油漆匠很自信他能做到,最终他成功了。那个主妇很满意,于是这个油漆匠也变得很出名。

多年以后,油漆匠要退休了,他把自己的生意交给儿子去经营。“爸爸”儿子问“我还有些事情想知道,你怎么能把墙粉刷得和花瓶的颜色那么相配?”“儿子”爸爸回答到“我只不过是把花瓶刷了。”
 


9、

Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I‘d passed today‘s exam."
"Don‘t trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied.
"Then I do hope I‘ll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.

在期末考试之前,汤姆告诉他的母亲:“妈妈,我昨天晚上做了一个梦,梦见我通过了今天的考试。”
“不要相信梦,亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。
“那么,我真希望在今晚的梦中,我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。


10、

One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn‘t write the address and addressee‘s name on the envelope.  
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?" 
"Certainly"
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."  
"Then why you didn‘t take it back?"   
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"

有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。
儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?”
“我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢?”
“我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!” 


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