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作者:高级段子手发布时间:2019年12月06日 12:19:19分类:英语笑话浏览:137评论:0


A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. 

He is well-groomed and very well behaved. 

Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I‘ve been operating this hotel for many years.

In all that time, I‘ve never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls.
狗从没偷过毛巾,床单, 餐具,或者墙上的画。

I‘ve never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly.

And I‘ve never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. 

Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. 

And, if your dog will vouch for you,

you‘re welcome to stay here, too."


On the bus a man discovered a pickpocket‘s hand thrust into his pocket. 
"sorry," he said to the pickpocket, "you are too late. My wife did it before you." 



Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.

Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.

"Dear," she chirped, "I think it‘s time to tell him he‘s adopted."




4、代课教师试图运用她的心理学知识。开始上课时,她说……A substitute teacher was trying to make use of her psychology background. She began her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you‘re stupid, please stand up." Right away, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Why do you think you‘re stupid, Little Johnny?" "I don’t, ma‘am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"代课教师试图运用她的心理学知识。开始上课时,她说:“谁觉得自己很愚蠢,请站起来。”小约翰马上站起来了。老师问:“为什么你觉得你很愚蠢呢,小约翰?”“我不觉得我很蠢,只是我不愿意你一个人站在那!”这篇材料你能听出多少?点击这里做听写,提高外语水平>>

At the radio station where I worked, the manager called me into his office to preview a new sound-effects package we were considering purchasing. He closed the door so we wouldn‘t bother people in the outer office.

After listening to a few routine sound effects, we started playing around with low moans, maniacal(疯狂的) screams, hysterical(歇斯底里的) laughter, pleading and gunshots. When I finally opened the door and passed the manager‘s secretary, she looked up and inquired, Asking for a raise again?




Our physics professor was struggling to draw the class into discussion of Archimede‘s principle of water displacement. He told us that Archimede noticed that when he got into a pool at the public bathhouse, the water rose spilling over the edge. Excited at his discovery, he ran down the street yelling, "Eureka, eureka!" The instructor asked if anyone knew what that meant.  
One student stood up and answered, "I‘m naked ! I‘m naked!"



A young businessman had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I‘ve come to install the phone."



On the bus a man discovered a pickpocket‘s hand thrust into his pocket. 
"sorry," he said to the pickpocket, "you are too late. My wife did it before you." 



The New Baby Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child. Pat had seen babies in other people‘s houses and had not liked them very much,so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too. One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby‘s arrival.“This house won‘t be big enough for us all when the baby comes,”said Mr.Taylor. Pat came into the room just then and said,“What are you talking about?”“We were saying that we‘ll have to move to an other house now,because the new baby‘s coming,”his mother answered. “ It‘s no use,”said Pat hopelessly.“ He‘ll follow us there.”

泰勒夫妇有一个七岁的男孩,名叫帕特。现在泰勒太太正怀着第二胎。 帕特在别人家看见过婴儿,他不太喜欢他们,所以他对自己家里也将有一个婴儿的消息感到不满。 一天晚上,泰勒夫妇正在为这个婴儿的降生计划做安排。泰勒先生说:“有了婴儿,我们的房子就太小,不够住了。” 帕特恰好在这个时候走进屋,他问:“你们在说什么?”他的母亲回答说:“我们在说我们现在得搬家,因为婴儿就要诞生了。” “那没用,”帕特绝望地说。“他会跟我们到那儿去的。” 


A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
Here is the situation, she said. A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.
His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can‘t swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?
A girl raised her hand and asked, to draw out all of his savings?

他的妻子听到了他的喊声,知道他并不会游泳,所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么? 一个女生举手答道,是不是去取他的存款?


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