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英语笑话故事长

作者:高级段子手发布时间:2019年12月06日 12:19:19分类:英语笑话浏览:133评论:0


导读:
1、

A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. "Now, children," said she , "has anyone of you ever make someone else glad?"
"Please, teacher,"said a small boy,"I‘ve make someone glad yesterday."
"Well done. Who was that?"
"My granny."
"Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad."
"Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, ‘Granny, I‘m going home,‘ and she said, ‘Well, I‘m glad‘!"

一个主日学校校(基督教教会为了向儿童灌输宗教思想, 在星期天开办的儿童班)的老师在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。“现在,孩子们,”她说:“你们当中有谁让别人高兴过?”
“我,老师,”一个小男孩说:“昨天我就使别人高兴过。”
“做得好,是谁呢?”
“我奶奶。”
“好孩子。现在告诉我们,你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的。”
“是这样的,老师。我昨天去看她,在她那儿呆了三个小时。然后我跟她说:‘奶奶,我要回家了。’她说:‘啊,我很高兴!’”


2、

Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger. 维尔和比尔在争吵,谁的爸爸是更强壮的一个。

Will said, "Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? 

维尔说:“你知道太平洋吗? 

My father‘s the one who dug the hole for it."

那个坑是我爸爸挖的。”

Bill wasn‘t impressed, "Well, that‘s nothing.

比尔不屑地说:“那没什么。

You know the Dead Sea ?

你知道死海吗? 

My father‘s the one who killed it!" 

那是我爸爸打死的。”


3、

Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don‘t give me a nickel I‘ll tell my father.Sister‘s boyfriend: No, don‘t do that. Here‘s a nickel.Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I‘ve made this month.

弟弟:我看见你亲我姐姐了,如果你不给我五分钱,我就告诉我爸。姐姐的男朋友:不要那样做。给你五分钱。弟弟:我这个月已经赚了一块两毛五了。


4、

"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked ..."how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." " Well, What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, ‘Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?‘ Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn‘t happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don‘t know much about history."

“医生,你能不能告诉我,”鲍勃问,“对于一个看 上去很正常的人,你是怎样判断出他有智力缺陷的呢?”“再没有比这容易的了,”医生回答,“问他一个简单的问题,简单到所有人都知道答案,如果他回答得不 干脆,那你就知道是怎么回事了。”“那要问什么样的问题呢?”“嗯,你可以这样问,‘库克船长环球旅行了三次,但是在其中一次的途中他去世了,是哪一次 呢?’”鲍勃想了一会儿,紧张的回答道,“你就不能问另外一个问题吗?坦率地说,我对历史了解的不是很多。”


5、

Mike: My aunt was very embarrassed when she was asked to take off her mask at the party.

Mary: Why was that?

Mike: She wasn‘t wearing one.

麦克:一次舞会上,当大家要求我姑姑拿掉她的面具时,她非常尴尬。

玛丽:为什么会那样呢?

麦克:她根本就没有带面具。

 


6、

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"

To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

在一个乡村路上,一警察让这个农民靠边停车,说:“先生,你意识到你的妻子在几公里前从车上掉下去了吗?”

农民回答说:“感谢上帝,我还以为我聋了呢!”


7、

No matter which girl he brought home, the young man found disapproval from his mother. A friend gave him advice. “Find a girl just like your mother—then she‘s bound to like her. So the young man searched and searched, and finally found the girl.He told his friendly adviser: “Just like you said, I found a girl who looked,talked,dressed, and even cooked like mother.And just as you said,mother liked her” “So,”asked the friend,“what happened?” “Nothing,”said the young man.“My father hates her!”

无论带哪一个女孩回家,这位青年人总会遭到母亲的反对。一位朋友劝他说: “找一个和你母亲一样的女孩——那她一定会喜欢她。” 于是这位青年人不停地找啊找,终于找到了这么个女孩。 正像你说的那样,我找到一个长相、谈吐、穿着打扮,甚至连烹饪都和我母亲一样的女孩。也正像你说的那样,我母亲喜欢她。” “那后来呢?”朋友问。 “没什么,”青年人说。“我父亲讨厌她!”


8、

Teacher: Walter, why don‘t you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning.

Walter: What was it?

Teacher: Eggs.

Walter: Wrong. That was yesterday.

老师:沃尔特,你为什么不洗脸?我看得出你今天早饭吃了什么。

沃尔特:我吃了什么?

老师:鸡蛋。

沃尔特:错了,老师。那是昨天吃的。


9、

Uncle Frank, at 79, was a healthy and wealthy man, a lifelong bachelor. He courted a lot, he said, but "never boiled over-just simmered." On a whim, he decided to take a trip around the country to look up nearly a dozen old girlfriends.  
Upon his return he exclaimed, "Whew! Thank goodness I never married any of those women - They‘re all widows now!

弗兰克叔叔七十八岁了,富有而健康。他是个终生单身汉。他曾追求过很多女孩,但“从不过热----见好就收”。一天他突发奇想,决定四处走走,去看看他那些接近一打的旧时女友。
他回来即叹道:“嘘!谢天谢地幸亏我没娶那些女人中的任何一个。如今她们都成寡妇了!”
 


10、

Mr. Henry Beecher entered Plymouth Church one Sunday and found several letters awaiting him. He opened one and found it contained the single word ″Fool″. Quietly and with becoming seriousness he announced to the congregation the fact in these words:
″I have known many an instance(实例) of a man writing a letter and forgetting to sign his name, but this is the only instance I have ever known of a man signing his name and forgetting to write the letter.″

一个星期天,亨利·比切先生到普利茅斯的教堂去,在那里有他的几封信。他打开其中一封,发现信中只写着“傻瓜”两个字。
他平静而认真地把这件事告诉教友们:“写信时忘了签名的人,我遇到过很多,但只签了名却忘了写信的人,我还是头一次遇到。”


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