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英语演讲暖场小笑话

作者:高级段子手发布时间:2019年12月06日 12:19:19分类:英语笑话浏览:69评论:0


导读:
1、

Half or Five Tenths?
Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?
Gerald: I‘d much rather have the half.
Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why.
Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.

半个还是十分之五
老师:你愿意要半个柑橘,还是十分之五个柑橘?
杰拉得:我宁可要半个。
老师:仔细想想,说出理由来。
杰拉得:因为你如果把柑橘切成十分之五,那柑橘汁就损失太多了。


2、

If you refuse to marry me, he swore, I shall die.

She refused him.

Sixty years later, he died.

如果你不答应嫁给我,他发誓,我就要去死。

她拒绝了他。

六十年后,他死了。


3、

Professor: Before we begin the examination are there any question?

Student: What‘s the name of this course?

教授:在开始考试之前,还有什么问题吗?

学生:考试科目的名称是什么?


4、

Younger Scout: How can I tell the difference between a mushroom and a toadstool(毒菌) ?Older Scout: Just eat one before you go to bed. If you wake up the next morning, it was a mushroom.

年少的童子军:我怎样才能把蘑菇和毒蕈区别开呢?年长的童子军:上床前吃一个。如果你第二天早上醒来,那就是蘑菇。


5、

For the Dog
  The family seated in a restaurant had finished their dinner when Father Called over the waiter.
"My son has left quite a lot of meat on his plate," explained Father, "Could you give me a bag so that I can take it home for the dog?"

  "Gosh, Dad!" exclaimed the excited boy. "Have we got a dog then?"

喂狗
  一家人在饭馆里吃过晚饭,父亲把服务生叫了过来。
  ”先生,什么事?“服务生问。
  ”我儿子的盘子里剩下许多肉,“父亲说,”能给我们一个袋子吗?我把剩下的东西带回去喂狗。“
  ”啊呀,爸爸!“儿子激动地叫喊着。”咱家养狗了吗?“

NOTE
seat vt 使坐下
be seated 坐

call over
v.
点名, 顺序读出


6、

Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看,”哥哥说,“这些画多漂亮呀!”
“是啊,”弟弟说道,“可是在所有这些画中,只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”
哥哥想了会儿,然后解释道:“很明显,他当时正在画这些画呗。” 


7、

The Mean Man‘s Party   

The notorious(声名狼藉的,臭名昭著的) cheap skate(小气鬼) finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow(肘部,扶手) . When the door open, push with your foot."
  
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
  
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You‘re not coming empty-handed, are you?"

吝啬鬼的聚会 
 
一个声名狼藉的小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说:“你上到五楼,用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了后,再用你的脚把门推开。”
  
“为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢?”
  


8、

Professor: When is your birthday?
Kid: May 30.
Professor: Which year?
Kid: Every year.

教授:你的生日是什么时候?
孩子:5月30日。
教授:哪一年?
孩子:每年都是。


9、

One stupid guy reads an ad about a vacation cruise that costs only $ 100.After he signs up and pays, the travel agent hits him with a bat, knocks him unconscious and throws him out the back door into the river. Soon another guy comes in, pays his fee and gets the same treatment.  
Fifteen minutes later, as the two are floating down the river together, the first man says, "I wonder if they‘re serving any food on this cruise."   
"I don‘ t know, the second guy replied. "They didn‘t last year."

一愚笨之人读到一则假日巡航游只须花100元的广告。在他签了字付了款后,旅游经纪人用棒猛击了他一下,把他打昏了过去,并把他从后门扔进了河里。不久又来了一个人,付了钱并得到了相同的待遇。 十五分钟后,这两个人一起向河的下游漂去。第一个人说:“不知道他们这次巡航游是否提供食物。” “不知道,”第二个人说道,“去年是没有的。”


10、

Mr.Green went to Germany,because he had some work there.He came back last Monday,and his young wife met him at the airport.They walked to their car and passed a tall,pretty air hostess.Mr.Green said to her,“Goodbye,Miss Harris,” and the air hostess smiled and said“Goodbye” too. Mrs.Green stopped and looked at the air hostess.Then she said to her husband,“How did you know her name?” “That was easy,”answered Mr.Green.“The names of the captain and all the crew were on a piece of paper in front of our sests.” “What was the name of the captain?”Mrs.Green asked with a smile. Mr.Green laughed and answered,“I don‘t remember any of the other names.”

格林去了德国,因为他在那里有些工作要做。他上星期一回国,他年轻的妻子到机场去接他。他们向他们的汽车走去,遇见了一位高挑、漂亮的空中小姐。格林先生对她说:“再见,哈里斯小姐。”那位空中小姐莞尔一笑,也说了声“再见”。格林夫人停下来,看看那位空中小姐,然后她问她丈夫:“你怎么知道她的名字?”“这很容易,”格林先生回答。“机长和机组全体人员的名单都写在我们座位前的一张纸上。” “那机长叫什么名字?”格林夫人笑着问。 格林先生笑着答道:“我不记得其他任何人的名字。”


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