One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?"
"Fine. I used to be one who couldn‘t understand the English men, and now it‘s the English men who can‘t understand me."
一位学生对另一位说：“你的 英语 最近学的怎么样?”
The zoo built a special eight-foot-high enclosure for its newly acquired kangaroo, but the next morning the animal was found hopping around outside. The height of the fence was increased to 15 feet, but the kangaroo got out again. Exasperated, the zoo director had the height increased to 30 feet, but the kangaroo still escaped. A giraffe asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they‘ll build the fence?"
"I don‘t know, " said the kangaroo. "Maybe a thousand feet if they keep leaving the gate unlocked.
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
Here is the situation, she said. A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.
His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can‘t swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?
A girl raised her hand and asked, to draw out all of his savings?
One day a boy came to his teacher and said: Teacher, pa wants to know if you like roast（烘烤） pig.
I certainly do, said the teacher, and you tell your father he is very kind to think of me.
Days passed, and nothing more was said about the roast pig.
Finally the teacher said to the boy: I thought your father was going to send me over some roast pig.
Yes, said the boy, he did intend to, but the pig got well.
Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?Student: Big hands.
A New Employee
Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director‘s office.
What is the meaning of this? the director asked. When you applied for the job, you told us you had five years‘ experience. Now we discover this is the first job you ever held.
Well, the young man said, in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination.
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street. "But officer," the man said, "I can explain.""Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I‘m going to put you in jail until the chief gets back.""But ,officer, I ….""I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter‘s wedding. He‘ll be in a good mood when he gets back.""Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I‘m the groom."
A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum（精神病院） and he hears all the residents inside chanting, Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!
Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye.
Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!
George Ⅲ asked the once wellknown wit, Horne Tooke,whether he could play cards.Your Majesty, replied Tooke, I am a mere childwhere cards are concerned. I cannot even tell a King from a Knave.
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