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小学五年级英语幽默笑话

作者:高级段子手发布时间:2019年12月06日 12:19:19分类:英语笑话浏览:74评论:0


导读:
1、

Improvement

One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?"
"Fine. I used to be one who couldn‘t understand the English men, and now it‘s the English men who can‘t understand me."

进步

一位学生对另一位说:“你的 英语 最近学的怎么样?”
“很好,我过去不懂英国人说话,可现在是英国人不懂我的话了。”


2、

The zoo built a special eight-foot-high enclosure for its newly acquired kangaroo, but the next morning the animal was found hopping around outside. The height of the fence was increased to 15 feet, but the kangaroo got out again. Exasperated, the zoo director had the height increased to 30 feet, but the kangaroo still escaped. A giraffe asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they‘ll build the fence?"  
"I don‘t know, " said the kangaroo. "Maybe a thousand feet if they keep leaving the gate unlocked.

动物园为刚引进的袋鼠建了一个特殊的八英尺高的围墙。但是第二天早上,人们发现这动物在围墙外面蹦跳着。于是围墙高度增加到十五英尺,但袋鼠还是跑了出来。动物园经理甚感恼火,又叫人把围墙高度加到三十英尺,但袋鼠还是逃了出来。一个长颈鹿问袋鼠:“你认为他们会把围墙建到多高?” “我不知道,”袋鼠说,“如果他们继续开着大门,可能要修到一千英尺吧。”


3、

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。

Here is the situation, she said. A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.
她举了这么一个例子:有这样一种情况,一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼,突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。

His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can‘t swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?
他的妻子听到了他的喊声,知道他并不会游泳,所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么? 一个女生举手答道,是不是去取他的存款?

A girl raised her hand and asked, to draw out all of his savings?
一个女生举手答道,是不是去取他的存款?



4、

One day a boy came to his teacher and said: Teacher, pa wants to know if you like roast(烘烤) pig.

I certainly do, said the teacher, and you tell your father he is very kind to think of me.

Days passed, and nothing more was said about the roast pig.

Finally the teacher said to the boy: I thought your father was going to send me over some roast pig.

Yes, said the boy, he did intend to, but the pig got well.

一天有个男孩去对他老师说:老师,我爸想知道你是不是爱吃烤猪肉。

当然啰,老师说,去告诉你父亲,多谢他想着我。

好几天过去了,再没提起烤猪肉的事儿。

最后老师对男孩说:我以为你父亲要给我送点烤猪肉来呢。

是啊,孩子说,他是这么想的,可后来猪又没病了。


5、

Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?Student: Big hands.

老师:如果我左手上有7个桔子,右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么?学生:大手。


6、

A New Employee

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director‘s office.

What is the meaning of this? the director asked. When you applied for the job, you told us you had five years‘ experience. Now we discover this is the first job you ever held.

Well, the young man said, in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination.

新员工

一个年轻人在被雇用几个星期后,被叫到人事经理的办公室。

这是什么意思?经理问,当你申请这份工作时,你告诉我们有五年工作经验,现在我们发现这其实是你的第一份工作。

嗯,年轻人回答,你们的广告上说需要找一个有想象力的人嘛。


7、

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

老师: 这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗?
学生:我指不出,但我知道答案。
老师:请说说看。
学生:燕子旁边的就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子。


8、

A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street. "But officer," the man said, "I can explain.""Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I‘m going to put you in jail until the chief gets back.""But ,officer, I ….""I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter‘s wedding. He‘ll be in a good mood when he gets back.""Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I‘m the groom."

大街上的一个超速驾驶者被警察拦住了。“但是警官”这个人说道,“我可以解释的”。“保持安静”,警察突然说道。“我将把你送往监狱,直到长官回来。“但是,警察,我……”。“我说过了保持安静,你要到监狱了。”几小时后,警察向监狱里看了看说道“算你运气好,因为我们的长官正在他女儿的婚礼上。他将带着一个愉快的心情回来的。”“你确定”在牢房里的这个人说道。“我就是新郎呀”。


9、

A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum(精神病院) and he hears all the residents inside chanting, Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!

Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye.

Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!

一个人在精神病院的木围墙外路过,听见里面所有的人在唱,十三!十三! 十三!

他很好奇,就找到围墙的一个洞,然后看进去。突然有个人捅到了他的眼睛。

然后里面所有人开始唱,十四!十四!十四!


10、

George Ⅲ asked the once wellknown wit, Horne Tooke,whether he could play cards.Your Majesty, replied Tooke, I am a mere childwhere cards are concerned. I cannot even tell a King from a Knave.

乔治三世问一度大名鼎鼎的才子霍恩·图克,会不会玩纸牌。陛下,图克回答说:在玩纸牌方面,我只不过是幼儿园的水平。我甚至分不清国王和无赖。


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