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作者:高级段子手发布时间:2019年12月06日 12:19:19分类:英语笑话浏览:35评论:0


Mr.Green went to Germany,because he had some work there.He came back last Monday,and his young wife met him at the airport.They walked to their car and passed a tall,pretty air hostess.Mr.Green said to her,“Goodbye,Miss Harris,” and the air hostess smiled and said“Goodbye” too. Mrs.Green stopped and looked at the air hostess.Then she said to her husband,“How did you know her name?” “That was easy,”answered Mr.Green.“The names of the captain and all the crew were on a piece of paper in front of our sests.” “What was the name of the captain?”Mrs.Green asked with a smile. Mr.Green laughed and answered,“I don‘t remember any of the other names.”

格林去了德国,因为他在那里有些工作要做。他上星期一回国,他年轻的妻子到机场去接他。他们向他们的汽车走去,遇见了一位高挑、漂亮的空中小姐。格林先生对她说:“再见,哈里斯小姐。”那位空中小姐莞尔一笑,也说了声“再见”。格林夫人停下来,看看那位空中小姐,然后她问她丈夫:“你怎么知道她的名字?”“这很容易,”格林先生回答。“机长和机组全体人员的名单都写在我们座位前的一张纸上。” “那机长叫什么名字?”格林夫人笑着问。 格林先生笑着答道:“我不记得其他任何人的名字。”


One day a man was taunting Alexandre Dumas,the greatFrench novelist,with his ancestry. “Why,” snarled the fellow,“you are a quadroon;yourfather was a mulatto,and your grandfather was a negro.” “Yes,” roared Dumas,“and,if you wish to know‘mygreatgrandfather was a monkey. In fact, my pedigree beganwhere yours terminates.”

有一天,一个人在嘲弄法国大小说家亚历山大·仲马,讥笑他的祖先。 那家伙厉声说:“唔,你是四分之一黑白混血儿,你父亲是黑白混血儿,而你的祖父是个黑人。” “是的,”仲马大声回敬:“还有呢,如果你想知道的话, 我的曾祖父是一只猴子。其实我的血统起始于你的血统终止的地方。”


At the mall, my wife and I picked up some hardware items, including a handsaw. We were heading back to the car when we passed a steakhouse.
Let‘s try it. " my wife suggested. Although I felt a little foolish carrying the saw, I followed her inside.
Scanning the menu, my wife told the waitress, " I‘ 11 have chopped sirloin, please.
The waitress turned to me, eyed my saw and commented, "And I see that. you, sir, have come for our T-bone special.

在集市上,我和妻子买了一些五金用品,包括一个手锯。我们返回汽车时刚好路过一家牛排店。 “我们尝尝吧,”我妻子建议说。尽管我觉得拿着锯有点傻乎乎的,但还是随她走了进去。 我妻子扫视了一下菜单对女招待说:“请给我来一份炒牛腰片。” 女招待转向我,看了看我的锯,说道:“我能看出,先生,你是来吃我们的T形骨特色菜的。” 



Applying for my first job, I realized I had to be creative in listing my few qualifications(资格证书,职位要求) . Asked about additional schooling and training, I answered truthfully that I had spent three years in computer programming classes. I got the job.

I had neglected to mention that I took the same course for three years before I passed.





The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It‘s all right," said a gentleman, "don‘t be afraid. Don‘t you know the proverb: Barking dogs don‘t bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"



Mrs Brown was going out for the day. She locked the house and tacked a note for the milkman on the door: NOBODY HOME. DON‘T LEAVE ANYTHING.

When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked(洗劫,掠夺) . On the note she had left, she found the following message added:


布朗太太要外出一天。 她锁好了房门,在门上给送牛奶的人钉了一张便条:家里没人,请不要留下任何东西!



If you refuse to marry me, he swore, I shall die.

She refused him.

Sixty years later, he died.





A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum(精神病院) and he hears all the residents inside chanting, Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!

Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye.

Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!

一个人在精神病院的木围墙外路过,听见里面所有的人在唱,十三!十三! 十三!




The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn‘t you tell me this before ?"  
"I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye.

姑娘找到媒人,说:“你欺骗了我。他的一只眼是假眼,你以前为什么不告诉我?” “怎么没告诉你?”媒人也不甘示弱,“你们第一回见面后,我就说,他一眼就看中你了。”


Big hands
  Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
tudent: Big hands.



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