(1) claim v.声称
(2) when given money是 when he was given money 的省略
(3) news stall n.售报亭
(4) insist on 坚持
(5) demonstration n.演示
(6) trot off 小步跑开
2、unexpected guests were on the way, and my mother, an impeccable housekeeper, rushed around straightening up. 不速之客就在路上，我妈妈，一个完美的家庭主妇，正忙里忙外地整理。she put my father and brother to work cleaning the guest bathroom.她分配给我爸和我哥哥的任务是打扫供客人使用的浴室。later, when she went to inspect it, she was surprised that the once-cluttered room had been tidied up so quickly.一会儿之后，当她去检查的时候，她吃惊了，曾经一度杂乱的房间瞬间就被打扫干净了。then she saw the note on the closed shower curtains. it read "thank you for not looking in the bathtub."接着她看到浴帘上有一张纸条，纸条上写着：“谢谢你没往浴缸里看。”
As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that‘s him," came the reply. The stranger couldn‘t help but be amused. "That certainly doesn‘t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"
一名陌生人走进一家乡间小商店，看到玻璃门上帖着的一个告示牌上写着，“危险! 小心有狗!” 进去后，他看到一条样子一点都不凶的老狗趴在收款机旁边的地板上睡觉。 “这就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊？” 陌生人问店主。“是，就是他”，店主回答。 听到这个回答， 陌生人觉得很好笑。“我觉得那条狗一点都不可怕。 你帖那个告示做什么？” “因为，” 店主解释说，“在我帖告示之前， 大伙老被他绊倒。”
All I do is pay
"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My
wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war,
and my daughter is foreign secretary."
"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your
"I’m the people. All I do is pay."
Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft（阁楼） and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.
Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry（钟楼） and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated（熏制） , and they still won’t go away.
The third said, I baptized（洗礼） all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since!
One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn‘t do.
The mother exclaimed, But that‘s terrible! I‘m going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn‘t do?
The little girl replied, My homework.
7、Many years after receiving my graduate degree,I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member.获取研究生学位多年以后,我回到位于宾翰顿的纽约州立大学当教员.One day in a crowded elevator,someone remarked on its inefficiency.一天,电梯里很拥挤,有人抱怨电梯效率太低.I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.我说自我在那里当学生起,20年来电梯一直没有换过.When the door finally opened,I felt a compassionate pat on my back,and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me.最后当电梯门打开时,我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下,回过头来我看到一位年长的修女正在朝我微笑."You‘ll get that degree,dear," she whispered."Perseverance is a virtue."“你会拿到学位的,亲爱的,”她低声说道：“坚持不懈是一种美德.”
A husband and wife,both 91,stood before a judge,asking for a divorce."I don‘t understand,"He said,"Why do you want a divorce at this time of life?"
the husband explained "Well , you see,We wanted to wait until the children died."
Policeman: Why didn‘t you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?
Man: If I had opened my mouth, they‘d have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.
For the Dog
The family seated in a restaurant had finished their dinner when Father Called over the waiter.
"My son has left quite a lot of meat on his plate," explained Father, "Could you give me a bag so that I can take it home for the dog?"
"Gosh, Dad!" exclaimed the excited boy. "Have we got a dog then?"
seat vt 使坐下
be seated 坐
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