The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It‘s all right," said a gentleman, "don‘t be afraid. Don‘t you know the proverb: Barking dogs don‘t bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You‘re a good boy," said the mother proudly.
"Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
The fine-furniture store where I work has been in business since the 1920s.Recently I received a call from a woman who wanted to replace some chairs from a dining set purchased from us in the 1930s.I assured her we could help and sought the assistance of the office manager. "You‘ll never believe this one, " I told him." I just got a call from a customer who bought some chairs from us in the 1930s. "
Before I could finish repeating her request, he interrupted and said, "Don‘t tell me she hasn‘t received them yet!"
Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals(长声尖叫) of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I‘m going to have one of those someday, his dad‘s response always was Not as long as I‘m alive.
One day, while our son was talking to a little friend, a motorcycle passed by. He excitedly pointed it out to the boy and exclaimed, Look at that! Look at that! I‘m getting one of those as soon as my dad dies.
The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn‘t you tell me this before ?"
"I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye.
The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn‘t let him aboard.
It is too crowded, they shouted. who do you think you are?
I am the driver. he said.
The Right LegProctor（exceedingly angry）：“So you confess that this unfortunate freshman was carried to this frog pond and drenched？Now what part did you take in this disgraceful affair？” Soph．（meekly）：“The right leg，sir．”
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged（用肘轻推） him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn‘t asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
9、unexpected guests were on the way, and my mother, an impeccable housekeeper, rushed around straightening up. 不速之客就在路上，我妈妈，一个完美的家庭主妇，正忙里忙外地整理。she put my father and brother to work cleaning the guest bathroom.她分配给我爸和我哥哥的任务是打扫供客人使用的浴室。later, when she went to inspect it, she was surprised that the once-cluttered room had been tidied up so quickly.一会儿之后，当她去检查的时候，她吃惊了，曾经一度杂乱的房间瞬间就被打扫干净了。then she saw the note on the closed shower curtains. it read "thank you for not looking in the bathtub."接着她看到浴帘上有一张纸条，纸条上写着：“谢谢你没往浴缸里看。”
Sir William Thompson was very deaf but he did not like people to know this． One evening he had invited several friendsto dinner， and while they were sitting at the table， one of thefriends told a funny story． Everyone laughed， and SirWilliam， who had laughed as loud as anyone， said，“That was a very funny joke， but I know a funnier one． Would you liketo hear it？” They all said they would， so Sir William began hisstory． When it ended， everyone laughed louder than ever andSir William smiled happily． But he didn‘t know the reason for their laughter． He had told the very same story that his friendhad just told．
威廉·汤普森爵士非常聋，但他却不愿意让别人知道这 件事，一天晚上，他邀请了几位朋友吃饭。在就餐的时候，一 位朋友讲了个有趣的故事，大都笑了，汤普森也和别人一 样放声大笑，他说：“这是个十分有趣的笑话，但是我还知道 一个更有趣的笑话，你们愿意听吗？”朋友们都说愿意听。于 是，汤普森开始讲他的故事。当故事讲完时，大家笑得比方才 还厉害，汤普森的脸上露出了欣慰的笑容。但他却不知道别 人发笑的原因。原来，他讲的正是方才那位朋友讲的故事。
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