One day, Tim‘s mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right.
The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised.
He called Tim to his desk and said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim. What happened? Did your father help you?"
"No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself," said Tim."
Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother‘s funeral, she stopped in to see you.
There was a farmer who fell and broke his hip while he was plowing（耕地） , and his horse immediately galloped（疾驰，飞奔） five miles to the nearest town and returned, carrying a doctor on his back.
"That’s a pretty smart horse," the farmer’s friend later observed.
"Well, he’s not really so smart," the farmer said. "The doctor he brought back was a veterinarian!"
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You‘re a good boy," said the mother proudly.
"Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
Lawyer: You say you were about thirty-five feet away from the scene of the accident? Just how far can you see clearly?
Witness: Well, when I wake up in the morning I see the Sun, and they tell me it‘s about ninety-three million miles away.
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.
There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted."
The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked,
"Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn‘t be eating here."
The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn‘t you tell me this before ?"
"I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye.
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted."
The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn‘t be eating here."
Traveler: Can I catch the three o‘clock train to Toronto?
Ticket agent: That depends on how fast you can run. It left fifteen minutes ago.
10、A man was at the doctor‘s office. "Every time I drink a cup of coffee, Doctor, I have a stabbing pain in my right eye. What should I do?" he asked .一位男子来到医生的办公室。“医生，每次我喝咖啡，我的右眼都有刺痛感。您说我该怎么办？”他问道。"Take the spoon out of your cup. " answered the doctor.“把勺子从咖啡杯里拿出来。”医生回答说。
(1) stabbing adj.刺痛的
(2) spoon n.匙子
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