A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer." The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I‘ll play it."
The New Baby Mr．and Mrs．Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat．Now Mrs．Taylor was expecting another child． Pat had seen babies in other people‘s houses and had not liked them very much，so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too． One evening Mr．and Mrs．Taylor were making plans for the baby‘s arrival．“This house won‘t be big enough for us all when the baby comes，”said Mr．Taylor． Pat came into the room just then and said，“What are you talking about？”“We were saying that we‘ll have to move to an other house now，because the new baby‘s coming，”his mother answered． “ It‘s no use，”said Pat hopelessly．“ He‘ll follow us there．”
泰勒夫妇有一个七岁的男孩，名叫帕特。现在泰勒太太正怀着第二胎。 帕特在别人家看见过婴儿，他不太喜欢他们，所以他对自己家里也将有一个婴儿的消息感到不满。 一天晚上，泰勒夫妇正在为这个婴儿的降生计划做安排。泰勒先生说：“有了婴儿，我们的房子就太小，不够住了。” 帕特恰好在这个时候走进屋，他问：“你们在说什么？”他的母亲回答说：“我们在说我们现在得搬家，因为婴儿就要诞生了。” “那没用，”帕特绝望地说。“他会跟我们到那儿去的。”
One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.
Tom wasn‘t happy about that: "When are you going to learn to be polite?"
Bill: "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?"
Tom: "The smaller piece, of course."
Bill: "What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?"
Brown: I‘m sorry to see you so unwell. Have you seen the doctor?
Jack: Yes. I‘m having three baths a day.
Brown: What for?
Jack: Don‘t know, doctor‘s orders. He gave me some medicine and told me to follow the directions on the bottle, which read:" One tablespoonful to be taken three times a day in water."
“I don‘t like to inquire too curiously into your affairs，”said the lady to her husband．“But something‘s been bothering me for days．” “So？” said the husband．“Tell me all about it．” “You got a letter last Friday，”the lady said．“It was perfumed．It was in a girl‘s handwriting．I saw you oped it：you broke into a sweat．You turned white．Your hands trembled…For goodness‘sake，who was it from and what did it say？” “Oh，that，”said the husband．“I decided it was best for both of us not to talk about it at the time．” “For heaven‘s sake，”screamed the woman．“Tell me who it was from and what it said．” “Okay，”said the husband．“It was from your dress shop．It said you owe them＄740.00．”
“我不想过分好奇地打听你的事情，”妻子对她的丈夫说。“但是有件事已经困扰我好几天了。” “是吗？”丈夫说。“你说给我听听。” “上星期五你收到了一封信，”妻子说。“信是洒了香水的。是女孩的字迹。我见你打开信：你突然冒出一身冷汗，你的脸变得煞白，你的手颤抖着……。天哪，是谁写的信？信上都说了些什么？” “噢，是这事儿。”丈夫说。“我当时决定我们俩最好不要谈论它。”
Returning from a golf outing, my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. 丈夫打完高尔夫球回来，我们四岁的女儿莎拉在门口迎了上去。
Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?爸爸，谁赢了高尔夫球比赛，是你还是理查叔叔?
Uncle Richie and I don‘t play golf to win, my husband hedged. We just play to have fun.我和理查叔叔打高尔夫球不是为赢，丈夫推诿说。我们打球只是为了好玩而已。
Undaunted, Sare said, Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?莎拉毫不气馁，又问：那么，爸爸，谁觉得更好玩呢?
On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they would not have to stand on their toes all the time.
8、Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract.Now,can anyone give me a good example?老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理.现在,谁给我举个例子?John：Well ,in the summer the days are long,and in the winter the days are short.约翰：嗯,在夏天天都长,在冬天天都短.
Talking on the Telephone
Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.
"You talk to people on the telephone and don‘t see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began.
The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone. He‘s on the other end, but you can‘t see him. He is listening though."
Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What‘s his number?"
One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.Tom wasn‘t happy about that: "When are you going to learn to be polite?"Bill: "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?"Tom: "The smaller piece, of course."Bill: "What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?"
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