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圣诞节的笑话英语

作者:高级段子手发布时间:2019年12月06日 12:19:19分类:英语笑话浏览:31评论:0


导读:
1、

A shoplifter(商店扒手) was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don‘t want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook(骗子,坏蛋) looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."

一个小偷在一家珠宝店企图偷走一只手表的时候被当场擒获。“听着,”小偷说,“我知道你们也不想惹麻烦。我把这只表买下,然后我们就当什么也没发生,你看怎样?”

经理表示同意,然后列了一张售货单。小偷看着单子说道:“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点,你们还有没有便宜一点儿东西。"


2、

Talking on the Telephone
Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.
"You talk to people on the telephone and don‘t see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began.
The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone. He‘s on the other end, but you can‘t see him. He is listening though."
Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What‘s his number?"

在电话中交谈
每个星期天牧师都会把孩子们叫到教堂前面,然后给他们讲一个故事。一天,他为了更好地阐述祈祷的含义,带来了一台电话机。
“你们和别人在电话里交谈,并没有看到电话线另一端的人,对吗?”他开始问道。孩子们点头称是。“好的,和上帝交谈就象通过电话交谈一样。他就在另一端,虽然你看不见他,但是他正在聆听你的心声。”
就在这时,一个小男孩尖着嗓子问道:“那他的电话号码是什么?” 


3、

Teacher: "John, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"
John: "What do you think it is, sir?"
Teacher: "I don‘t think, I KNOW!"
John: "I don‘t think I know either, sir!"‘

老师:“John,动词ring的过去分词是什么?”。
约翰:“你想它是什么呢”?
老师:“我不用想,我知道!”。
约翰:“我想我不知道”。


4、

Gerald, asked the teacher, what is the shape of the earth?
It‘s round, answered Gerald.
How do you know it‘s round? continued the teacher.
All right, it‘s square then, he replied, I really don‘t feel like getting into an argument about it!

杰拉尔德,老师问:地球是什么形状?
是圆形的,杰拉尔德回答道。
你怎么知道是圆的?老师又问。
好吧,那它是方的,学生回答说:我可不想与你争论这件事情。


5、

Compare other things?比一下其他?
Son: Mom, John has a pair of shoes with Gordon’s name signed.
Mom: You just care about this? Haven’t you compared other things?
Son: Yes, his mother is prettier than you.

儿子:妈妈,John有双乔丹签名的球鞋。
妈妈:你只关心这个吗?不会比一下其它东西?
儿子:有啊,他妈妈比你漂亮。


6、

Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don‘t give me a nickel I‘ll tell my father.Sister‘s boyfriend: No, don‘t do that. Here‘s a nickel.Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I‘ve made this month.

弟弟:我看见你亲我姐姐了,如果你不给我五分钱,我就告诉我爸。姐姐的男朋友:不要那样做。给你五分钱。弟弟:我这个月已经赚了一块两毛五了。


7、

Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger.
Will said, "Well, you know the Pacific Ocean ? My father‘s the one who dug the hole for it."
Bill wasn‘t impressed, "Well, that‘s nothing. You know the Dead Sea ? My father‘s the one who killed it!"

维尔和比尔在争吵,谁的爸爸是更强壮的一个。维尔说:“你知道太平洋吗? 那个坑是我爸爸挖的。”
比尔不屑地说:“那没什么。你知道死海吗? 那是我爸爸打死的。”


8、

Seth Smith was reckoned the laziest man in town. Sotired had the authorities become of contributing to his supportthat they decided to consign him to a living tomb. Accordinglyhe was prepared for burial. The hearse was an old ramshacklecountry wagon. As the strange cortege moved along some old residentasked,“Who is it?” “Why,Seth Smith, who is too lazy to get anything to liveon, so we are going to bury him alive.” “I‘ll give him a bushel of corn,” said one.“And I will,”said another. Slowly raising his head, Seth asked:“Is the corn shelled,neighbor?” “No,you must do that yourself.” Gently replacing his head, he said:“ Drive on, boys,drive on.”

塞思·史密斯被公认为镇上头号懒人。长官们实在懒得再供养他,便决定把他送进一个天然坟墓里去。于是他被准备着去埋葬,灵车是一辆摇摇晃晃的乡下旧马车。正当这列奇怪的送葬队伍在行进时,一些老街坊问道:“这是谁啊?”“唉,塞思·史密斯,他懒得没法活了,我们这就去把他活埋。”“我来给他一蒲式耳谷子吧,”一个人说。“我也给,”另一个说。 塞思慢慢抬起头来问道:“谷子脱粒了吗,街坊?” “没有,你得自己来。”他缓缓把头放回原处说:“接着走吧,孩子们,接着走吧。”


9、

A very thin man met a very fat man in the hotel lobby.

"From your looks," said the fat man, "there might have been a famine."

"Yes," was the reply, "and from your looks, you might have caused it."

在旅馆大厅里,一个非常瘦的人遇到了一个非常胖的人。

胖子说:“看你的样子,可能有过饥荒。”

“是的,”瘦子回答说,“看你的样子,饥荒可能是你造成的。”


10、

"All the kids make fun of me," the boy cried to his mother, "They say I have a big head."

"Don‘t listen to them," his mother comforted him, "You have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes."

"Where‘s the shopping bag?"

"I haven‘t got one, use your hat."

“所有的孩子都拿我开玩笑,”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说:“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。”

“别听他们的,”他妈妈安慰说:“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了,别哭了,去商店买10磅土豆来。”

“购物袋在哪?”

“我没有购物袋,就用你的帽子吧。”


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