Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?
Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?
Two attorneys went into a restaurant and ordered two drinks. Then they brought out sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner marched over and told them, "You can‘t eat your own sandwiches here!"
The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
On a hot summer day an elderly gentleman faints in the street. A small crowd immediately gathers around him.
"Give the poor man a glass of brandy," advises a woman. "Give him a heart massage, " says someone else.
"No, just give him some brandy," insists the woman. "Call an ambulance," yells another person.
"A brandy!" The man suddenly sits up and exclaims. "Shut up, everybody, and do as the kind lady says!"
A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. Well, sit down and eat your tea, said his mother. Your stomach‘s hurting because it‘s empty. It‘ll be all right when you‘ve got something in it.
Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.
That‘s because it‘s empty, said his bright son. You‘d be all right if you had something in it.
One day a man was taunting Alexandre Dumas，the greatFrench novelist，with his ancestry． “Why，” snarled the fellow，“you are a quadroon；yourfather was a mulatto，and your grandfather was a negro．” “Yes，” roared Dumas，“and，if you wish to know‘mygreatgrandfather was a monkey． In fact， my pedigree beganwhere yours terminates．”
有一天，一个人在嘲弄法国大小说家亚历山大·仲马，讥笑他的祖先。 那家伙厉声说：“唔，你是四分之一黑白混血儿，你父亲是黑白混血儿，而你的祖父是个黑人。” “是的，”仲马大声回敬：“还有呢，如果你想知道的话， 我的曾祖父是一只猴子。其实我的血统起始于你的血统终止的地方。”
"Oh, my poor man," exclaimed the kind old lady， "It must be dreadful to be lame. But it would be much worse if you were blind."
"You‘re absolutely right," said the beggar, obviously an old hand at the game." When I was blind, people kept giving me foreign coins."
The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, ‘Hello, Monsignor‘." The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, ‘Hello, Your Excellency‘."
"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, ‘Hello, Your Eminence‘.
" The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, ‘Oh, my God‘!"
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It‘s all right," said a gentleman, "don‘t be afraid. Don‘t you know the proverb: Barking dogs don‘t bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. Now, children, said she, has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?
Please, teacher, said a small boy, I‘ve made someone glad yesterday.
Well done. Who was that?
Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grand mother glad.
Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, ‘Granny, I‘m going home,’ and she said, ‘Well, I‘m glad’！
One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter,
the son took the letter ,
the father then remembered didn‘t write the address and addressee‘s name on the envelope.
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"Then why you didn‘t take it back?"
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee,“
is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"
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