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蚌埠英语笑话

作者:高级段子手发布时间:2019年12月06日 12:19:19分类:英语笑话浏览:26评论:0


导读:
1、

A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you‘re stupid, stand up!"
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you‘re stupid, Johnny?"
"No, ma‘am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

一个老师在对学生们讲心理学,“谁认为自己蠢就站起来?”她一开始就说。
小约翰尼站了起来。
“你认为你很蠢吗,小约翰尼?”老师问。
“不是的,老师,我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”


2、

I am a Busy Man One day a bunch of naughty children wanted to make fun of him and said to him:" There are birds‘ eggs on that tree. Won‘t you get them for us please? We can‘t climb up." Loath to disappoint the children, he was ready to climb the tree. But knowing that the mischievous youngsters would make off with his boots if he left them on the ground, he tied them to his waist-band before he started the climb. "We‘ll take care of your boots for you!" the children chorused. "No, thank you!" was he reply. "I am a busy man. And as soon as I‘ve got the eggs for you, I‘ll make my way home along the tree-tops."

有一天,一群顽皮的孩子想捉弄他,便对他说:“那树上有鸟蛋,请你替我们拿下来好吗?我们爬不上去。”他不想使孩子们失望,便准备爬上树去。但是他知道如果把靴子留在地上,这群顽皮的小鬼一定会把靴子拿走,于是他先把靴子系在腰带上,然后开始爬树。孩子们齐声说:“我们会替你保管好你的靴子的。” 他回答道:“谢谢你们,不必了。我是个忙人。替你们取到蛋后,我就要沿着树顶走回家的。”


3、

Teacher: "John, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"
John: "What do you think it is, sir?"
Teacher: "I don‘t think, I KNOW!"
John: "I don‘t think I know either, sir!"‘

老师:“John,动词ring的过去分词是什么?”。
约翰:“你想它是什么呢”?
老师:“我不用想,我知道!”。
约翰:“我想我不知道”。


4、

As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.  "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that‘s him," came the reply.  The stranger couldn‘t help but be amused. "That certainly doesn‘t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"  "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"

一名陌生人走进一家乡间小商店,看到玻璃门上帖着的一个告示牌上写着,“危险! 小心有狗!”  进去后,他看到一条样子一点都不凶的老狗趴在收款机旁边的地板上睡觉。 “这就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?” 陌生人问店主。“是,就是他”,店主回答。 听到这个回答, 陌生人觉得很好笑。“我觉得那条狗一点都不可怕。 你帖那个告示做什么?” “因为,” 店主解释说,“在我帖告示之前, 大伙老被他绊倒。”


5、

Seth Smith was reckoned the laziest man in town. Sotired had the authorities become of contributing to his supportthat they decided to consign him to a living tomb. Accordinglyhe was prepared for burial. The hearse was an old ramshacklecountry wagon. As the strange cortege moved along some old residentasked,“Who is it?” “Why,Seth Smith, who is too lazy to get anything to liveon, so we are going to bury him alive.” “I‘ll give him a bushel of corn,” said one.“And I will,”said another. Slowly raising his head, Seth asked:“Is the corn shelled,neighbor?” “No,you must do that yourself.” Gently replacing his head, he said:“ Drive on, boys,drive on.”

塞思·史密斯被公认为镇上头号懒人。长官们实在懒得再供养他,便决定把他送进一个天然坟墓里去。于是他被准备着去埋葬,灵车是一辆摇摇晃晃的乡下旧马车。正当这列奇怪的送葬队伍在行进时,一些老街坊问道:“这是谁啊?”“唉,塞思·史密斯,他懒得没法活了,我们这就去把他活埋。”“我来给他一蒲式耳谷子吧,”一个人说。“我也给,”另一个说。 塞思慢慢抬起头来问道:“谷子脱粒了吗,街坊?” “没有,你得自己来。”他缓缓把头放回原处说:“接着走吧,孩子们,接着走吧。”


6、

A young businessman had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I‘ve come to install the phone."

一个年轻人刚刚开始做生意,就租了一个漂亮的办公室。一天,他坐在办公室里,看到有一个人在外面,于是他就装作生意很忙的样子,拿起电话胡吹乱侃,还不停的甩出几个大数字,好像在谈一笔大买卖。
到了最后,他终于挂了电话,问来访的人,“有事儿嘛?”那个人回答,“我是来给你安装电话的。”


7、

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.

一天,教授正在给学生们监考。他发下试卷,然后回到讲台前等待。
考试结束了,学生们纷纷交回试卷。教授发现一张试卷上别着一张百元钞票,还有一张纸条写着:"一分一块钱。"
第二堂课,教授把试卷都发回学生们手中。其中一个学生不但得到了试卷还得到64块钱的找零。 


8、

One evening I drove my husband‘s car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.‘The woman who loves
you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.‘
My husband looked up and said, ‘Mom‘s here?‘
一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物,回来后发现车身沾满灰尘,于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊:“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”
我丈夫抬头看了看,说:“妈妈来了?”


9、

Big hands
  Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
tudent: Big hands.

  大手
  老师:如果我左手上有7个桔子,右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么?
  学生:大手。


10、

One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn‘t write the address and addressee‘s name on the envelope.  
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?" 
"Certainly"
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."  
"Then why you didn‘t take it back?"   
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"

有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。
儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?”
“我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢?”
“我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!” 


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