A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you‘re stupid, stand up!"
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you‘re stupid, Johnny?"
"No, ma‘am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
I am a Busy Man One day a bunch of naughty children wanted to make fun of him and said to him:" There are birds‘ eggs on that tree. Won‘t you get them for us please? We can‘t climb up." Loath to disappoint the children, he was ready to climb the tree. But knowing that the mischievous youngsters would make off with his boots if he left them on the ground, he tied them to his waist-band before he started the climb. "We‘ll take care of your boots for you!" the children chorused. "No, thank you!" was he reply. "I am a busy man. And as soon as I‘ve got the eggs for you, I‘ll make my way home along the tree-tops."
Teacher: "John, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"
John: "What do you think it is, sir?"
Teacher: "I don‘t think, I KNOW!"
John: "I don‘t think I know either, sir!"‘
As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that‘s him," came the reply. The stranger couldn‘t help but be amused. "That certainly doesn‘t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"
一名陌生人走进一家乡间小商店，看到玻璃门上帖着的一个告示牌上写着，“危险! 小心有狗!” 进去后，他看到一条样子一点都不凶的老狗趴在收款机旁边的地板上睡觉。 “这就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊？” 陌生人问店主。“是，就是他”，店主回答。 听到这个回答， 陌生人觉得很好笑。“我觉得那条狗一点都不可怕。 你帖那个告示做什么？” “因为，” 店主解释说，“在我帖告示之前， 大伙老被他绊倒。”
Seth Smith was reckoned the laziest man in town． Sotired had the authorities become of contributing to his supportthat they decided to consign him to a living tomb． Accordinglyhe was prepared for burial． The hearse was an old ramshacklecountry wagon． As the strange cortege moved along some old residentasked，“Who is it？” “Why，Seth Smith， who is too lazy to get anything to liveon， so we are going to bury him alive．” “I‘ll give him a bushel of corn，” said one．“And I will，”said another． Slowly raising his head， Seth asked：“Is the corn shelled，neighbor？” “No，you must do that yourself．” Gently replacing his head， he said：“ Drive on， boys，drive on．”
塞思·史密斯被公认为镇上头号懒人。长官们实在懒得再供养他，便决定把他送进一个天然坟墓里去。于是他被准备着去埋葬，灵车是一辆摇摇晃晃的乡下旧马车。正当这列奇怪的送葬队伍在行进时，一些老街坊问道：“这是谁啊？”“唉，塞思·史密斯，他懒得没法活了，我们这就去把他活埋。”“我来给他一蒲式耳谷子吧，”一个人说。“我也给，”另一个说。 塞思慢慢抬起头来问道：“谷子脱粒了吗，街坊？” “没有，你得自己来。”他缓缓把头放回原处说：“接着走吧，孩子们，接着走吧。”
A young businessman had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I‘ve come to install the phone."
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.
One evening I drove my husband‘s car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.‘The woman who loves
you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.‘
My husband looked up and said, ‘Mom‘s here?‘
Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
tudent: Big hands.
One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn‘t write the address and addressee‘s name on the envelope.
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"Then why you didn‘t take it back?"
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"
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