One day, the teacher inquired of Peter: "How much is four minus four?" Peter was tongue-tied.
The teacher got angry and said: "What a fool! You see, if I put four coins in your pocket, but there is a hole in your pocket and all of them leak out, now what is left in your pocket?"
"The hole," replied Peter。
"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles.
"When I say, ‘Good afternoon,‘ the undergraduates respond, ‘Good afternoon." But the graduate students just write it down."
Sir William Thompson was very deaf but he did not like people to know this． One evening he had invited several friendsto dinner， and while they were sitting at the table， one of thefriends told a funny story． Everyone laughed， and SirWilliam， who had laughed as loud as anyone， said，“That was a very funny joke， but I know a funnier one． Would you liketo hear it？” They all said they would， so Sir William began hisstory． When it ended， everyone laughed louder than ever andSir William smiled happily． But he didn‘t know the reason for their laughter． He had told the very same story that his friendhad just told．
威廉·汤普森爵士非常聋，但他却不愿意让别人知道这 件事，一天晚上，他邀请了几位朋友吃饭。在就餐的时候，一 位朋友讲了个有趣的故事，大都笑了，汤普森也和别人一 样放声大笑，他说：“这是个十分有趣的笑话，但是我还知道 一个更有趣的笑话，你们愿意听吗？”朋友们都说愿意听。于 是，汤普森开始讲他的故事。当故事讲完时，大家笑得比方才 还厉害，汤普森的脸上露出了欣慰的笑容。但他却不知道别 人发笑的原因。原来，他讲的正是方才那位朋友讲的故事。
Teacher: Jimmy, what are the three words which pupils use most often at school?
Jimmy: I don’t know...
make use of利用，使用
out of use不再使用了
Teacher: Why do we sometimes call the Middle Ages the Dark Ages?
Betty: Because they had so many knights.
A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States.
After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the keys."
The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn‘t heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the keys." The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher‘s neck and kissed him on both cheeks.
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me.
He is well-groomed and very well behaved.
Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I‘ve been operating this hotel for many years.
In all that time, I‘ve never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls.
I‘ve never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly.
And I‘ve never had a dog run out on a hotel bill.
Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel.
And, if your dog will vouch for you,
you‘re welcome to stay here, too."
8、vacationing in hawaii, my husband and i went out to dinner one night at one of its finest restaurants - when presented with the check, my husband reached into his pocket for his wallet, but somehow lost his balance and fell over. as the people at the next table looked on in astonishment ‘he said, "the food was delicious-but wait till you get your bill!"在夏威夷度假时，一天晚上，丈夫和我去一家最好的饭店吃饭。当侍者拿来账单结账时，我丈夫把手伸进口袋掏钱包。但不知怎的，他失去了平衡，仰面摔倒了。在邻桌的人还在惊讶地望着他的时候，他说：“饭菜味道是很美----但也要等结了账再走呀。”
(1) hawaii n.夏威夷（岛）
(2) fall over落下；跌下
(3) astonishment n.惊诧
9、Vacationing on the island of Oahu, we were waiting in our tour bus for some stragglers to show up. A man, obviously not with our group, approached the bus and was about to board. How would our driver handle the situation, we wondered. Straight-faced, he leaned toward the door and asked, "Going to the nudist Colony, sir?"在瓦湖岛上度假时，我们坐在旅游车里等候掉队的人。一位男子，明显不是和我们一起的，朝旅游车走来并要上车。司机会怎么处理这种情况呢？我们都拭目以待。司机拉长了脸，向车门靠过去，问道：“先生，是去天体营吗？”"Oh, no," replied the would-be passenger, retreating quickly.“哦，不，”刚想乘车的男子回答说，迅速转身而逃。"Works every time," the driver said with a wink.“每次都管用，”司机眨巴了一下眼睛说。
(1) be about to（do）（表计划）即将做
(2) straight-faced adj.板起面孔的
(3) nudist Colony天体营（裸体主义者实行其信条的场所）
(4) retreating quickly迅速后退。这是一个分词短语作状语，表示伴随状况。
The Looney Bin
Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"
（2）inmate （n.同住者, 同室者(特指在医院、监狱)）
（3）insane asylum (疯人院）
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