Talking on the Telephone
Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.
"You talk to people on the telephone and don‘t see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began.
The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone. He‘s on the other end, but you can‘t see him. He is listening though."
Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What‘s his number?"
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.
3、Many years after receiving my graduate degree,I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member.获取研究生学位多年以后,我回到位于宾翰顿的纽约州立大学当教员.One day in a crowded elevator,someone remarked on its inefficiency.一天,电梯里很拥挤,有人抱怨电梯效率太低.I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.我说自我在那里当学生起,20年来电梯一直没有换过.When the door finally opened,I felt a compassionate pat on my back,and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me.最后当电梯门打开时,我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下,回过头来我看到一位年长的修女正在朝我微笑."You‘ll get that degree,dear," she whispered."Perseverance is a virtue."“你会拿到学位的,亲爱的,”她低声说道：“坚持不懈是一种美德.”
A young couple was becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him.
Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, "Mom, the toast is burned."
"You talked! You talked!" shouted his mother. "I‘m so happy! But why has it taken this long."
"Well, up till now," said the boy, "things have been okay."
5、A bar owner locked up his place at 2 a. m. and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang." What time do you open up in the morning ?" he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire.在凌晨两点，酒吧店主锁了店门，回家睡觉。他刚躺下几分钟，这时电话响了。“你早上几点营业？”他听到一位明显已醉醺醺的男子的声音。The owner was so furious, he slammed down the receiver and went back to bed. A few minutes later there was another call and he heard the same voice ask the same question. "Listen," the owner shouted ,"there‘s no sense in asking me what time I open because I wouldn‘t let a person in your condition in-"店主非常气愤，砰地一声挂上电话又上床去睡。几分钟后又有一个电话，他听到还是那个声音问同样的问题。“听着，”店主嚷道，“不要问我什么时候营业，因为我不会让你这种人进----”"I don‘t want to get in," the caller interjected. "I want to get out“我不是想进来，”那人打断他的话，“我要出去。”
(1) obviously adv.明显的
(2) inebriated adj.酒醉的
(3) slam v.砰然放下
(4) interject v.突然插话
Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?
Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?
7、unexpected guests were on the way, and my mother, an impeccable housekeeper, rushed around straightening up. 不速之客就在路上，我妈妈，一个完美的家庭主妇，正忙里忙外地整理。she put my father and brother to work cleaning the guest bathroom.她分配给我爸和我哥哥的任务是打扫供客人使用的浴室。later, when she went to inspect it, she was surprised that the once-cluttered room had been tidied up so quickly.一会儿之后，当她去检查的时候，她吃惊了，曾经一度杂乱的房间瞬间就被打扫干净了。then she saw the note on the closed shower curtains. it read "thank you for not looking in the bathtub."接着她看到浴帘上有一张纸条，纸条上写着：“谢谢你没往浴缸里看。”
"Oh, my poor man," exclaimed the kind old lady， "It must be dreadful to be lame. But it would be much worse if you were blind."
"You‘re absolutely right," said the beggar, obviously an old hand at the game." When I was blind, people kept giving me foreign coins."
The Name of a Poet
Our teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being used in some schools today． It works like this, she said. Suppose you wanted tore member the name of a poetRobert Burns, for instance. She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns. Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman, a bobby in flames. See? Bobby Burns! I see what you mean, said the class know it all. But how can you tell that it‘s Not Robert Browning?
Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee. Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.
The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go home and get the umbrella."
The little turtle replied, "I will, if you don‘t drink my offee."
"We won‘t," the other two promised.
Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, "Well, I guess he isn‘t coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee."
Just then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I won‘t go."
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