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十万个冷笑话2英语

作者:高级段子手发布时间:2019年12月06日 12:19:19分类:英语笑话浏览:38评论:0


导读:
1、

A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.

我和一个朋友在快餐店排队订餐

There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted."

那里很醒目地写着,不接受超过20美元的大钞(请自备零钱)。

The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, 

我们前边的一个女士指着这个牌子对我们说:

"Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn‘t be eating here."

“上帝保佑,如果我身上有超过20美元的话,我一定不会在这儿吃饭!”


2、

Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals(长声尖叫) of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I‘m going to have one of those someday, his dad‘s response always was Not as long as I‘m alive.
One day, while our son was talking to a little friend, a motorcycle passed by. He excitedly pointed it out to the boy and exclaimed, Look at that! Look at that! I‘m getting one of those as soon as my dad dies.

我五岁的儿子对摩托车有强烈的爱好。只要看见一辆摩托车,他就会高兴得哇哇直叫,并激动地说:瞧这辆!瞧这辆,我总有一天也要有一辆。他爸爸的回答老是只要我活着,你就别想有这玩艺儿。
一天我们的儿子跟他的小朋友在说话,有一辆摩托车开了过去。他兴奋的指着摩托车叫道瞧这辆!瞧这辆!等我爸一死我就要有这样一辆摩托车了。


3、

In class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, "What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?"

Jack thought a moment, then answered, "Fried chicken, sir."

老师在课堂上向学生们展示了各种各样的鸟的照片。然后他问其中一名学生,“杰克,你最喜欢哪种鸟儿啊?”

杰克想了想,回答,“炸鸡,老师。”


4、

Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?
Tommy: Quarters.
Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?
Tommy: Hamburger.

老师:如果我把一块牛排切成两半的两半,我能得到几块儿?
汤米:四块。
老师:那我要是再切两次,我能得到什么呢?
汤米:汉堡。


5、

Mother asked her little boy, Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?
Nothing, Mum, answered the son proundly, instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three.

母亲问她年幼的儿子:宝贝,今天老师教了你些什么?  
儿子骄傲地说:什么都没教,妈妈。她反倒问我一加二等于几,我告诉她等于三。


6、

I am a Busy Man One day a bunch of naughty children wanted to make fun of him and said to him:" There are birds‘ eggs on that tree. Won‘t you get them for us please? We can‘t climb up." Loath to disappoint the children, he was ready to climb the tree. But knowing that the mischievous youngsters would make off with his boots if he left them on the ground, he tied them to his waist-band before he started the climb. "We‘ll take care of your boots for you!" the children chorused. "No, thank you!" was he reply. "I am a busy man. And as soon as I‘ve got the eggs for you, I‘ll make my way home along the tree-tops."

有一天,一群顽皮的孩子想捉弄他,便对他说:“那树上有鸟蛋,请你替我们拿下来好吗?我们爬不上去。”他不想使孩子们失望,便准备爬上树去。但是他知道如果把靴子留在地上,这群顽皮的小鬼一定会把靴子拿走,于是他先把靴子系在腰带上,然后开始爬树。孩子们齐声说:“我们会替你保管好你的靴子的。” 他回答道:“谢谢你们,不必了。我是个忙人。替你们取到蛋后,我就要沿着树顶走回家的。”


7、

One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – If I Am a Manager.
All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.
I am waiting for my secretary, was the boy’s answer.

一天课上,老师要同学们以如果我是一个经理为题写一篇作文。
所有的学生都在动笔写了,只有一个男生例外。老师走过去问他为什么不写。
我在等我的秘书。那孩子答道。


8、

A mother saw her three-year-old son put nickel in his mouth and swallowed it. She immediately picked hime up, turned him upside down and hit him on the back, whereupon he coughed up two dimes. Frantically(疯狂似地) , she called to the father outside.

"Your son just swallowed a nickel and coughed up two dimes! What shall I do?"

Yelled back the father, "Keep feeding him nickels!"

母亲见三岁的儿子将一枚五分镍币放进嘴里吞了下去,她立刻将他抱起,头朝下不停地拍打他的后背,他咳出了两枚一角的硬币,她发狂似的朝正在外面的孩子父亲喊道:

“你儿子刚才吞下了一枚五分镍币,可咳出两枚一角的硬币!我该怎么办呢?“

孩子他爸大声回答道:“再喂他几枚五分镍币!”


9、

Our physics professor was struggling to draw the class into discussion of Archimede‘s principle of water displacement. He told us that Archimede noticed that when he got into a pool at the public bathhouse, the water rose spilling over the edge. Excited at his discovery, he ran down the street yelling, "Eureka, eureka!" The instructor asked if anyone knew what that meant.  
One student stood up and answered, "I‘m naked ! I‘m naked!"

我们的物理教授千方百计引导我们讨论阿基米德的排水原理。他告诉我们阿基米德去公共浴池洗澡,他进入池子,发现水涨高了,溢出池沿。他对这一发现十分激动,跑到街上高叫:“Eureka,Eureka!”教授问我们谁知道他喊的是什么意思。
一个学生站起来答道:“我光屁股啦,我光屁股啦!”
 


10、

Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?
Tommy: Quarters.
Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?
Tommy: Hamburger.

老师:如果我把一块牛排切成两半的两半,我能得到几块儿?
汤米:四块。
老师:那我要是再切两次,我能得到什么呢?
汤米:汉堡。


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