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英语笑话有什么

作者:高级段子手发布时间:2019年12月06日 12:19:19分类:英语笑话浏览:43评论:0


导读:
1、

Class and AssProfessor Laurie of Glasgow put this notice on his door:“Professor Laurie will not meet his classes today.” A student,after reading the notice,rubbed out the“c”. Later Professor Laurie came along,and entering into the spirit of the joke,rubbed out the“l”.

格拉斯哥的劳里教授在门上贴了这样一个通知:“劳里教授今天不会他的班。” 一个学生读了通知后,擦掉了字母“c”。 后来劳里教授来了,也想开开玩笑,他擦掉了字母“l”。 


2、

A cat and her four kittens ran into a large dog. When the kittens cowered, the cat let out a series of loud barks, scaring the dog away.  
Turning to her kittens, the cat said, "You see how important it is to know a second language."

一天,一只猫妈妈领着4只小猫在路上走,却遇到了一只大狗。小猫们吓的蜷缩成了一团,这时猫妈妈吼出了一连串的汪汪声,大狗被吓跑了。猫妈妈转过身来对几个小猫说,“孩子们,看看掌握一门外语是多么的重要呀!”


3、

A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."
"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I‘m not dead. I‘m still alive."
"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院。他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:“我想他伤得很厉害。”
医生说:“恐怕他已经死了。”
听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:“我没死,我还活着。”
妻子说:“安静,医生比你懂得多。” 


4、

The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It‘s all right," said a gentleman, "don‘t be afraid. Don‘t you know the proverb: Barking dogs don‘t bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

一个小女孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系,”一位先生说,“不用害怕,你知道这条谚语吗:‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊,我是知道,可是狗也知道吗?”


5、

Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?
Tommy: Quarters.
Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?
Tommy: Hamburger.

老师:如果我把一块牛排切成两半的两半,我能得到几块儿?
汤米:四块。
老师:那我要是再切两次,我能得到什么呢?
汤米:汉堡。


6、

Gerald, asked the teacher, what is the shape of the earth?
It‘s round, answered Gerald.
How do you know it‘s round? continued the teacher.
All right, it‘s square then, he replied, I really don‘t feel like getting into an argument about it!

杰拉尔德,老师问:地球是什么形状?
是圆形的,杰拉尔德回答道。
你怎么知道是圆的?老师又问。
好吧,那它是方的,学生回答说:我可不想与你争论这件事情。


7、

One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.Tom wasn‘t happy about that: "When are you going to learn to be polite?"Bill: "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?"Tom: "The smaller piece, of course."Bill: "What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?"

一天,比尔和汤姆去餐馆吃饭。当服务员端上两份牛排时,比尔迅速地为自己拿了比较大的那块。
汤姆对此很不开心:“你什么时候能学会礼貌?”
比尔说:“如果让你先拿,你会拿哪个?”
汤姆说:“当然是小的那个。”比尔:“那你还抱怨什么?小的那个不就是你想要的,不是吗?”


8、

Pulling alongside our drive-up bank window, a woman was not happy with her position. So she backed up and pulled closer. Still not satisfied, she backed away and tried again. After five attempts, she finally parked the car and rolled down her window. I greeted her with a simple "Good morning".  
"Good morning," she replied cheerfully. "I‘m going to have to use this drive-up all the time. It‘s so easy!"

一位妇女把车沿着我们银行的驱车直达窗口开过来,可她并不满意于她停的位置。因此她倒车,靠得更近点。还是不满意,倒车,再来。五次努力后,终于她把车停下来,摇下车窗。我简单地问候她一声“早上好”。   
“早上好,”她愉快地回答说,“以后我都要使用这种驱车直达窗口。真是如此的方便。”


9、

One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – If I Am a Manager.All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.I am waiting for my secretary, was the boy’s answer.

一天课上,老师要同学们以如果我是一个经理为题写一篇作文。所有的学生都在动笔写了,只有一个男生例外。老师走过去问他为什么不写。我在等我的秘书。那孩子答道。


10、

A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result." Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain‘s voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late." At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete‘s sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we‘ll be up here all night!"

一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时,喇叭里传来了机长的声音:“旅客们请注意,我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿,旅客们又听到机长的声音:“各位,你们猜怎么啦 ?我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞,但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时,一位乘客非常气愤地说:“看在上帝的份上,如果我们再掉一个引擎,我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”


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