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英语冷笑话推理带翻译

作者:高级段子手发布时间:2019年12月06日 12:19:19分类:英语笑话浏览:37评论:0


导读:
1、

Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft(阁楼) and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.
三个南部的牧师在一家小餐馆里吃午饭。其中的一个说道:“你们知道吗,自从夏天来临,我的教堂的阁楼和顶楼就被蝙蝠骚扰,我用尽了一切办法----噪音、喷雾、猫----似乎什么都不能把它们赶走。”

Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry(钟楼) and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) , and they still won’t go away.
另外一位说:“是啊,我也是。在我的钟楼和阁楼也有好几百只。我曾经请人把整个地方用烟熏消毒一遍,它们还是赶不走。”

The third said, I baptized(洗礼) all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since!
第三个牧师说:“我为我那里的所有蝙蝠洗礼,让它们成为教会的一员......从此一只也没有再回来过。”


2、

Just like most of other kids, aged two Emilia didn‘ t like washing hands──she‘ s always wiping the dirt off hands on her clothes. One day I accompanied her to have fried cicadae(蝉). Habitually she rubbed her grease fingers on her real silk short gown. I held back (阻挡) her from doing it: " What do you want to do?" She was immediately on to (意识)her blame, replied at ease(从容): " I‘ m akimbo."

像大多数别的小孩一样,两岁艾咪丽雅不爱洗手,吃东西弄脏手,随便在身上一抹就得了。一天我正陪她吃炸知了,她手上的油多了,便习惯地往真丝小褂子上蹭,我阻止道:“你想干什么?”她马上意识到问题所在,从容答道:“我叉腰。”


3、

Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看,”哥哥说,“这些画多漂亮呀!”
“是啊,”弟弟说道,“可是在所有这些画中,只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”
哥哥想了一会儿,然后解释道:“很明显,他当时正在画这些画呗。”


4、

I had fallen and dislocated my elbow, which made writing checks for my small business nearly impossible. I called my bank to explain that the signature on my checks would look odd due to my accident, and would they please horror them anyway.  
"Okay," said the woman on the phone, "but you‘ 11 have to write a letter to the bank telling them that you are requesting this. "

我摔倒了,肘骨脱臼了。这使得我几乎不能给我的小生意签账单了。我打电话给银行解释说由于事故,账单上我的签名看起来会有些古怪,并请求他们无论如何给予承兑。   
“好的,”电话中的女子说,“但你必须给银行写封信,告诉他们你在作此项请求。” 


5、

There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn‘t find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now you‘re cheating on me with a bald woman!"The next night, when she didn‘t smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "She‘s not only bald, but she‘s too cheap to buy any perfume!"

有位妻子嫉妒心非常强,以至于有一次,他的丈夫在夜里回来,她在查找了他的夹克没有发现头发之后,便冲着她的丈夫吼道:“好啊,你欺骗我,你现在竟然和一个秃顶的女人在一起。”第二天晚上,当她没有闻到任何香水味后,便又向丈夫吼道:“她不仅秃头,而且还非常穷,买不起任何香水。”


6、

When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I‘ve been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation."

The human resources director agreed and said he‘d have the letter the next day. The following morning, Peters found a letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for 11 years.When he left us, we were very satisfied."

彼得斯听说自己被解雇了,便去见人力资源部的头头。“既然我在公司干了这么久,”他说,“我想至少该给我一封推荐信。”

人力资源部主任同意了,并说他第二天就可拿到该信。第二天早上,彼得斯在他的桌子上看一封信,上面写道:“乔纳森·彼得斯在我们公司干了11年。当他离去的时候,我们很满意。”


7、

"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked ..."how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." " Well, What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, ‘Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?‘ Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn‘t happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don‘t know much about history."

“医生,你能不能告诉我,”鲍勃问,“对于一个看 上去很正常的人,你是怎样判断出他有智力缺陷的呢?”“再没有比这容易的了,”医生回答,“问他一个简单的问题,简单到所有人都知道答案,如果他回答得不 干脆,那你就知道是怎么回事了。”“那要问什么样的问题呢?”“嗯,你可以这样问,‘库克船长环球旅行了三次,但是在其中一次的途中他去世了,是哪一次 呢?’”鲍勃想了一会儿,紧张的回答道,“你就不能问另外一个问题吗?坦率地说,我对历史了解的不是很多。”


8、

A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.

我和一个朋友在快餐店排队订餐

There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted."

那里很醒目地写着,不接受超过20美元的大钞(请自备零钱)。

The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, 

我们前边的一个女士指着这个牌子对我们说:

"Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn‘t be eating here."

“上帝保佑,如果我身上有超过20美元的话,我一定不会在这儿吃饭!”


9、

A New Employee

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director‘s office.

What is the meaning of this? the director asked. When you applied for the job, you told us you had five years‘ experience. Now we discover this is the first job you ever held.

Well, the young man said, in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination.

新员工

一个年轻人在被雇用几个星期后,被叫到人事经理的办公室。

这是什么意思?经理问,当你申请这份工作时,你告诉我们有五年工作经验,现在我们发现这其实是你的第一份工作。

嗯,年轻人回答,你们的广告上说需要找一个有想象力的人嘛。


10、

As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register.  "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that‘s him," came the reply.  The stranger couldn‘t help but be amused. "That certainly doesn‘t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"  "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"

一名陌生人走进一家乡间小商店,看到玻璃门上帖着的一个告示牌上写着,“危险! 小心有狗!”  进去后,他看到一条样子一点都不凶的老狗趴在收款机旁边的地板上睡觉。 “这就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?” 陌生人问店主。“是,就是他”,店主回答。 听到这个回答, 陌生人觉得很好笑。“我觉得那条狗一点都不可怕。 你帖那个告示做什么?” “因为,” 店主解释说,“在我帖告示之前, 大伙老被他绊倒。”


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