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作者:高级段子手发布时间:2019年12月06日 12:19:19分类:英语笑话浏览:29评论:0


Who do you think you are?

  The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn’t let him aboard.
  “It is too crowded, “they shouted.” who do you think you are?”
  “I am the driver.” he said.


A note:
aboard: adv.在船(飞机、车)上, 上船(飞机、车)prep.在(船、飞机、车)上, 上(船、飞机、车).
on board:到船上, 在船上
go aboard: 上船 (上飞机等)
All aboard! 请上船[飞机、车],都上来!


A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer." The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I‘ll play it."



A young couple was becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him.

Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, "Mom, the toast is burned."

"You talked! You talked!" shouted his mother. "I‘m so happy! But why has it taken this long."

"Well, up till now," said the boy, "things have been okay."






Once, late at night, an Englishman came out of his room into the corridor(走廊) of a hotel and asked the servant to bring him a glass of water. The servant did as he was asked. The Englishman re-entered his room, but a few minutes later he came into the corridor again and once more asked the servant for a glass of water. The servant brought him another glass of water. Every few minutes the Englishmen would come out of his room and repeat his request. After a half-hour the astonished servant decided to ask the Englishman what he was doing with the water. Nothing, the Englishman answered imperturbably(平静地) , It’s simply that my room is on fire.
一天晚上,一个英国人从他住的旅店房间里走出来。来到走廊上,叫旅店的服务员给他拿一杯水来。服务员按他的要求做了。英国人回到了他的房间里,几分钟后他 又来到走廊上,让服务员再给他送一杯水。服务员又给他送了一杯水。每隔几分钟。英国人就走出房间重复他的要求。 半小时之后.这位感到惊讶的服务员决定问问房客要这些水干什么,英国人不谎不忙地回答:没什么.只不过是我的房间里起火了。


A young man fell into a state of coma, but recovered before his friends had buried him. One of them asked what it felt like to be dead.

"Dead!" he exclaimed. "I wasn‘t dead. And I knew I wasn‘t, because my feet were cold and I was hungry."

"But how did that make you sure?"

"Well, I knew that if I were in heaven I shouldn‘t be hungry, and if I was in the other place my feet wouldn‘t be cold."







Two robbers were robbing a hotel.


The first robber said, "I hear sirens. Jump!"


The second one said, "But we‘re on the 13 th floor!"


The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious!"



A tourist was visiting New Mexico and was amazed at the dinosaur bones lying about.
"How old are these bones?" the tourist asked an elderly Native American, who served as a guide.
"Exactly one hundred million and three years old.
"How can you be so sure?" inquired the tourist.
"Well," replied the guide, " a geologist came by here and told me these bones were one hundred million years old, and that was exactly three years ago.

“整整十亿零三年了。” “你怎么这么肯定?”游客问道。 “哦,”向导回答道,“一个地质学家来过这儿,他告诉我说这些化石有十亿年了,再加上那是整整三年前的事了。” 


Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
Student: Big hands.


9、A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.
"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You’re a good boy," said the mother proudly.
"Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."


Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
Student: Big hands.



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