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英语笑话二人组

作者:高级段子手发布时间:2019年12月06日 12:19:19分类:英语笑话浏览:29评论:0


导读:
1、

Who do you think you are?

  The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn’t let him aboard.
  “It is too crowded, “they shouted.” who do you think you are?”
  “I am the driver.” he said.

  你以为你是谁?
  公共汽车上很挤,当又一个人还是试图上车时,乘客们不让他上。
  “车上太挤了,”他们喊道,“你以为你是谁?”
  “我是司机!”他说。

A note:
aboard: adv.在船(飞机、车)上, 上船(飞机、车)prep.在(船、飞机、车)上, 上(船、飞机、车).
on board:到船上, 在船上
go aboard: 上船 (上飞机等)
All aboard! 请上船[飞机、车],都上来!


2、

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer." The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I‘ll play it."

一男子去酒吧,点了一杯啤酒。他喝了一口放下。当他环视酒吧时,发现一只猴子荡下来,在他阻止之前,偷走了啤酒。该男子问酒吧招待,这只猴子是谁的。服务员回答说是钢琴手的。男子走到钢琴手面前问:“你知道你的猴子偷了我的啤酒吗?”钢琴手回答说:“没有,但是如果你能哼唱,我会为你演奏的。”


3、

A young couple was becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him.

Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, "Mom, the toast is burned."

"You talked! You talked!" shouted his mother. "I‘m so happy! But why has it taken this long."

"Well, up till now," said the boy, "things have been okay."

一对年轻的夫妇对于他们四岁的儿子仍然不会说话这件事非常着急。他们带他去看专家,但是医生们找不出任何不正常的地方。

之后有一天早上,这个男孩突然说道:“妈妈,面包拷糊了。”

“你说话了!你说话了!”他的妈妈嚷道。“我真高兴!但是为什么要我们等这么长的时间呢?”

“嗯,直到现在,”男孩说,“每件事都很正常啊。”


4、

Once, late at night, an Englishman came out of his room into the corridor(走廊) of a hotel and asked the servant to bring him a glass of water. The servant did as he was asked. The Englishman re-entered his room, but a few minutes later he came into the corridor again and once more asked the servant for a glass of water. The servant brought him another glass of water. Every few minutes the Englishmen would come out of his room and repeat his request. After a half-hour the astonished servant decided to ask the Englishman what he was doing with the water. Nothing, the Englishman answered imperturbably(平静地) , It’s simply that my room is on fire.
 
一天晚上,一个英国人从他住的旅店房间里走出来。来到走廊上,叫旅店的服务员给他拿一杯水来。服务员按他的要求做了。英国人回到了他的房间里,几分钟后他 又来到走廊上,让服务员再给他送一杯水。服务员又给他送了一杯水。每隔几分钟。英国人就走出房间重复他的要求。 半小时之后.这位感到惊讶的服务员决定问问房客要这些水干什么,英国人不谎不忙地回答:没什么.只不过是我的房间里起火了。


5、

A young man fell into a state of coma, but recovered before his friends had buried him. One of them asked what it felt like to be dead.

"Dead!" he exclaimed. "I wasn‘t dead. And I knew I wasn‘t, because my feet were cold and I was hungry."

"But how did that make you sure?"

"Well, I knew that if I were in heaven I shouldn‘t be hungry, and if I was in the other place my feet wouldn‘t be cold."

一个年轻人昏死了过去,但是当他的朋友们要掩埋他的时候却又苏醒过来。他的一个朋友问他死的感觉是怎样的。

“死!”他喊道“我并没有死,我知道我没死,因为我的脚是凉的,而我又很饿。”

“你怎么能肯定你没死?”

“当然哪,我知道如果我上了天堂,我就不会觉得饿;如果我下到地狱,那我的脚就不会是凉的了。”


6、

 

Two robbers were robbing a hotel.

两个盗贼在一家旅馆偷东西。

The first robber said, "I hear sirens. Jump!"

第一个说:“我听到警报响了,快跳吧!”

The second one said, "But we‘re on the 13 th floor!"

第二个说:“但是我们现在在第13层啊!”

The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious!"

第一个尖叫着回敬他:“都什么时候了,还这么迷信!”


7、

A tourist was visiting New Mexico and was amazed at the dinosaur bones lying about.
"How old are these bones?" the tourist asked an elderly Native American, who served as a guide.
"Exactly one hundred million and three years old.
"How can you be so sure?" inquired the tourist.
"Well," replied the guide, " a geologist came by here and told me these bones were one hundred million years old, and that was exactly three years ago.

一位游客在新墨西哥游览。他对随处可见的恐龙化石甚感惊奇。
“这些化石有多长的历史?”游客问一个上了年纪的当地美国人。他是作向导的。
“整整十亿零三年了。” “你怎么这么肯定?”游客问道。 “哦,”向导回答道,“一个地质学家来过这儿,他告诉我说这些化石有十亿年了,再加上那是整整三年前的事了。” 


8、

Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
Student: Big hands.

老师:如果我左手上有7个桔子,右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么?
学生:大手。


9、A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.
"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You’re a good boy," said the mother proudly.
"Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
”昨天给你的钱干什么了?“
”我给了一个可怜的老太婆,“他回答说。
”你真是个好孩子,“妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
10、

Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
Student: Big hands.

老师:如果我左手上有7个桔子,右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么?
学生:大手。


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