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有关初中英语单词发音的笑话

作者:高级段子手发布时间:2019年12月06日 12:19:19分类:英语笑话浏览:31评论:0


导读:
1、

I complimented one of my co-workers on having lost ten pounds. However, I couldn‘t resist bragging that when I was 17, 1 weighed 225 pounds and today I tip the scales at 224. 1 added, "That‘s not bad for a man of my age."  
Overhearing this, a woman remarked, "You mean to say it took you all this time to lose one pound?"

我称赞我的一个同事减肥10磅。可是,我禁不住夸耀说我17岁时,体重225磅,而目前体重是224磅。我还说:“这对我这样年龄的男子来说,是不错的。”   
一个女子听到了这些话,她说道:“你是说你花了这么长时间才减了1磅?”


2、

Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his Mum. Share them with your sister, she said.
So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large one.
Cor! said his sister, If Mum had given them to me I‘d have given you the large one and had the small one myself.
Well, said Harry, that‘s what you‘ve got, so what are you worrying about?

妈妈给了哈里两个苹果,一个大一点,另一个小点儿。跟妹妹分着吃。妈妈说。
所以,哈里就把小个的给了妹妹,自己开始啃那个大个的。
哼,妹妹说,如果妈妈给了我,我会把大的给你,把小的留给自己的。
对呀,哈里说,你拿到的不就是小的吗?还着什么急呀?


3、

A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.一位妇人发现丈夫回家的时候总是烂醉如泥,她决定为丈夫治好这个毛病。一个万圣节夜里,她穿上一套魔鬼戏服,躲在树后,准备在丈夫返家时拦截他的去路。

When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.当丈夫走近时,她从树后跳出来,站到他面前,头上带着红色的羊角、身后有长长的尾巴,手中握着钢叉。

"Who are you?" he asked.“你是谁?”丈夫问到。

"I‘m the Devil!" she responded.“我是魔鬼!”她回答到。

"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"“噢,那你跟我一起回家吧,”丈夫说,“我娶了你的姐妹!”

【注释】

1. cure of 是一个在各种英语阅读文章中经常出现的习语,它的意思有两大分支,一是医疗范畴上的对疾病的救治;二是生活习惯范畴上的对坏习惯的矫正。
The medicine should cure you of your cold. 这药应该能治好你的感冒。
Parents try to cure their children of bad habits. 父母们想办法纠正孩子们的坏习惯。

2. 西方文化中的魔鬼形象:
在西方国家的文献、小说、影视作品中,魔鬼常被描述为一个有角有尾巴、手拿长柄叉、在烈火熊熊的地狱里折磨人的怪物。


4、

Boxing and Running Dan is teaching his son how to box. 丹在教他的儿子怎样拳击。

As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight." 他告诉他的朋友:“这是一个粗暴的世界,所以我要教我的儿子怎么去拼搏。” 

Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box." 朋友:“如果他碰上的对手是一个比他高大,健壮而且也会拳击的人怎么办?” 

Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."丹:“我也会教他怎么样赛跑呢。”


5、代课教师试图运用她的心理学知识。开始上课时,她说……A substitute teacher was trying to make use of her psychology background. She began her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you‘re stupid, please stand up." Right away, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Why do you think you‘re stupid, Little Johnny?" "I don’t, ma‘am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"代课教师试图运用她的心理学知识。开始上课时,她说:“谁觉得自己很愚蠢,请站起来。”小约翰马上站起来了。老师问:“为什么你觉得你很愚蠢呢,小约翰?”“我不觉得我很蠢,只是我不愿意你一个人站在那!”这篇材料你能听出多少?点击这里做听写,提高外语水平>>
6、

Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee. Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.
The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go home and get the umbrella."
The little turtle replied, "I will, if you don‘t drink my offee."
"We won‘t," the other two promised.
Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, "Well, I guess he isn‘t coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee."
Just then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I won‘t go."

三只乌龟决定去喝咖啡。它们刚到咖啡店的门口,就下起雨来。于是最大的那只乌龟对最小的乌龟说,“回家去取伞吧。”
最小的乌龟说,“如果你们不把我的咖啡喝了,我就去。”
“我们不喝,”另外两只乌龟答应说。
两年后,大乌龟对中乌龟说,“好吧,我猜他肯定不回来了,我们可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。”
正在这时,一个声音从门外传来,“你们要是喝了,我就不去。”


7、

A preacher is buying a parrot
Are you sure it doesnt scream, yell, or swear? asked the preacher.
Oh absolutely. Its a religious parrot, the storekeeper assures him.
Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lords prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.
Wonderful! says the preacher, but what happens if you pull both strings?
I fall off my perch, you stupid fool! screeched the parrot.

一个传教士在买鹦鹉
“你确信它不会尖叫,大叫或诅咒别人吗?”传教士问。
“哦,绝对不会。它是一只虔诚的鹦鹉。”店主保证说。
“你看见它腿上的这些细绳了吗?当你拉动右面的这根,它会背诵天主经,当你拉动左面的那根,它会背诵赞美诗”
“太棒了!”传教士说,“但是如果我同时拉动两条绳子,会发生什么呢?”
“我会从树干上掉下去的,你这个笨蛋!”鹦鹉尖声说道。


8、

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"

To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

在一个乡村路上,一警察让这个农民靠边停车,说:“先生,你意识到你的妻子在几公里前从车上掉下去了吗?”

农民回答说:“感谢上帝,我还以为我聋了呢!”


9、

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that‘s the ugliest baby I‘ve ever seen."一位女士抱着她的宝宝上公交车,司机看到后说:“额,那是我这辈子见过的最丑的小孩。”

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I‘ll hold your monkey for you."女士走到车厢后面坐下,感到很愤怒。她对旁边的男士说:“司机刚刚羞辱了我。”男士回应说:“你快上去斥责他。去吧,我替你抱着你的猴子。”

【注释】

1. fume - to be angry about something 发怒,生气
常用介词搭配:fume at/over/about
例如:fume about what he said 对他所说的话感到生气

2. tell somebody off 斥责,责骂
tell somebody off for doing something 因为某人做某事而责骂他/她
例如:The boss is always telling me off for being late, even though he is late every day! 我的老板总拿迟到的事斥责我,即便他自己天天迟到!


10、

Teacher: Walter, why don‘t you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning.

Walter: What was it?

Teacher: Eggs.

Walter: Wrong. That was yesterday.

老师:沃尔特,你为什么不洗脸?我看得出你今天早饭吃了什么。

沃尔特:我吃了什么?

老师:鸡蛋。

沃尔特:错了,老师。那是昨天吃的。


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