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春节笑话的英语演讲

作者:高级段子手发布时间:2019年12月06日 12:19:19分类:英语笑话浏览:33评论:0


导读:
1、

A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.一位妇人发现丈夫回家的时候总是烂醉如泥,她决定为丈夫治好这个毛病。一个万圣节夜里,她穿上一套魔鬼戏服,躲在树后,准备在丈夫返家时拦截他的去路。

When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.当丈夫走近时,她从树后跳出来,站到他面前,头上带着红色的羊角、身后有长长的尾巴,手中握着钢叉。

"Who are you?" he asked.“你是谁?”丈夫问到。

"I‘m the Devil!" she responded.“我是魔鬼!”她回答到。

"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"“噢,那你跟我一起回家吧,”丈夫说,“我娶了你的姐妹!”

【注释】

1. cure of 是一个在各种英语阅读文章中经常出现的习语,它的意思有两大分支,一是医疗范畴上的对疾病的救治;二是生活习惯范畴上的对坏习惯的矫正。
The medicine should cure you of your cold. 这药应该能治好你的感冒。
Parents try to cure their children of bad habits. 父母们想办法纠正孩子们的坏习惯。

2. 西方文化中的魔鬼形象:
在西方国家的文献、小说、影视作品中,魔鬼常被描述为一个有角有尾巴、手拿长柄叉、在烈火熊熊的地狱里折磨人的怪物。


2、

Kate: Mom, do you know what I‘m going to give you for your birthday?
Mom: No, Honey, what?
Kate: A nice teapot.
Mom: But I‘ve got a nice teapot.
Kate: No, you haven‘t. I‘ve just dropped it.

凯特:妈妈,你知道我要给你一件什么生日礼物吗?
妈妈:不知道,宝贝,是什么呀?
凯特:一把漂亮的茶壶。
妈妈:可是我已经有一把漂亮的茶壶了呀。
凯特:不,你没有了。我刚刚把它给摔了。


3、

Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him. I was careful to call him a few days in advance to "warn" him that we would be coming. When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room. "Forgot we were coming, didn‘t you?" I teased.

"Are you kidding?" he replied, "Why else would I have bothered to clean?"

我们的儿子是密歇根州阿尔马大学的新生,开学几个星期之后,我和丈夫决定去看看他。我特意提前给他打电话,“提醒”他我们将光临。但是当我们来到宿舍时,他的房间凌乱不堪,我非常吃惊。“忘了我们要来,是吧?”我取笑他。

“开什么玩笑?”,他回答说,“要不我凭什么费神打扫?”


4、

"Ten steps from the porch(门廊) and twenty steps from the rose bushes," growled Bluebeard in Jimmy‘s dream one night. "There be treasure there! Aawrgh."
So the next day Jimmy began to dig. He dug until the hole was deep and the dirt pile was high.
He kept digging. The hole got deeper and the dirt pile got higher.
He dug until the hole was deepest and the dirt pile was at its highest. He sighed. "I‘m too tired. I can‘t dig anymore." Then he spied something... but it was only one of Woofy‘s bones. Instead of treasure, all Jimmy had was a dog bone, a hole, and a big pile of dirt to fill it in with. He thought "That pirate lied to me!"
But when Jimmy‘s mother saw what he had done, she clasped(紧抱,扣紧) her hands and smiled a smile from here to Sunday. "Oh, thank you, Jimmy. I always wanted a rhododendron(杜鹃) bush planted just there. Here‘s $5.00 for digging that hole." 


5、

A lorry driver makes inquiry of a mountaineer, "Excuse me, where can I buy the auto accessories(附件) in the neighborhood?"
 
Mountaineer says, "Some people usually drive heroic car on the road. There is a abrupt turn(急转弯) ahead not far from here, and a clough(深谷) just below it, where you can find all kinds of the  auto accessories. You will spend no money at all."

 一个卡车司机向一山民打听:“请问,这附近哪儿能买到汽车配件?”
 
山民说:“这条路上经常有人开英雄车,前面不远处是个急转弯,急转弯的下面就是深谷,那深谷里什么样的汽车配件都有——根本用不着花钱。”


6、

At a dinner party a shy young man had been trying to think of something nice to say to his hostess. At last he saw his chance when she turned to him and remarked, "What a small appetite you have tonight, Mr. Jones.""To sit next to you," he replied gallantly, "would cause any man to lose his appetite."

在一次晚餐聚会上,一位腼腆的年青人一直在冥思苦想对女主人说一些好听的话。机会总于来了,女主人转向他说:“琼斯先生,您今晚的饭量太小了。”“坐在您身边,”他殷勤的说道,“任何男人都会失去胃口的。”


7、

Half or Five Tenths?
Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?
Gerald: I‘d much rather have the half.
Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why.
Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.

半个还是十分之五
老师:你愿意要半个柑橘,还是十分之五个柑橘?
杰拉得:我宁可要半个。
老师:仔细想想,说出理由来。
杰拉得:因为你如果把柑橘切成十分之五,那柑橘汁就损失太多了。


8、

Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning, Johnny, and now there is only one piece left. Can you explain that?Johnny: Well, I suppose it was so dark that I didn’t notice the other.

妈妈:约翰尼,我今天早上在橱子里放了两块点心。现在就剩下一块了。你能解释一下吗?约翰尼:嗯,我想是因为里面太黑我没看到另外那块。


9、

To prevent our dog, Lacy, from pestering visitors to our house, my mother often massaged her as she lounged beneath the kitchen table, her favorite resting spot. One day a contractor came over to talk about a home-improvement project. 为避免我们的狗,莱希,纠缠来访的客人,我母亲常在爱犬喜欢呆的地方,即餐桌下面,摩昵它。一天,一个建筑商来谈居室装潢工程。

As he and my mother sat across the table discussing the renovations, my mother slipped off her shoes and mindlessly soothed Lacy with her feet. 在这人和我母亲坐在餐桌边谈居室的修茸时,我母亲滑脱了她的鞋子,开始不经意地用脚摩蹭起莱希来。

My mother had been talking for about a half-hour when to her great embarrassment she heard Lacy bark outside the front door.谈话进行了半个小时的时候,我母亲突然感到很不好意思起来,因为这时她听到了莱希在前门外的犬吠声。

【注释】

(1) prevent (from)v.避免;阻止

(2) pester v.使苦恼;困扰

(3) massage v.按摩;揉捏

(4) lounge v.懒洋洋地坐着或站着

(5) contractor n.承包商

(6) improvement n.改进;改善

(7) renovation n.修复;修理

(8) slip off滑脱;掉

(9) mindlessly adv.不注意地


10、

Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn‘t dare discuss in front of him -- his height. or, should I say, his lack of it.One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!" Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"

我们的餐厅经理是一位深受大家爱戴,和蔼而又快乐的人。但在他面前有一件事不能提--他的身高。或者,我应该说,他是有点矮!一天,经理怒气冲冲地撞门而入,高声说,“有人拿了我的钱包!”
我和其她大部女招待都没敢吱声,但有人却蹦出一句话:“哪有人能弯腰弯那么低的啊”!


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