One evening I drove my husband‘s car to the shopping mall.On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.‘The woman who lovesyou the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.‘My husband looked up and said, ‘Mom‘s here?‘一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？”
Boy: Hi, didn‘t we go on dates before? Onec or twice?Girl: Must‘ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.
It‘s not my faultMother (reprimanding训斥，谴责 her small daughter): You mustn‘t pull the cat‘s tail.Daughter: I‘m only holding it, Mom. The cat‘s doing the pulling.
A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street. "But officer," the man said, "I can explain.""Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I‘m going to put you in jail until the chief gets back.""But ,officer, I ….""I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter‘s wedding. He‘ll be in a good mood when he gets back.""Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I‘m the groom."
A patient said to his doctor, "Doc, please give me something that will stimulate me, excite me, and put me in a, very, very highly stimulated spirit, a fighting, excited spirit."
So the doctor said, "Don‘t worry, take this, and after you see the bill, you will have all these feelings."
At the radio station where I worked, the manager called me into his office to preview a new sound-effects package we were considering purchasing. He closed the door so we wouldn‘t bother people in the outer office.
After listening to a few routine sound effects, we started playing around with low moans, maniacal（疯狂的） screams, hysterical（歇斯底里的） laughter, pleading and gunshots. When I finally opened the door and passed the manager‘s secretary, she looked up and inquired, Asking for a raise again?
Professor: Before we begin the examination are there any question?
Student: What‘s the name of this course?
The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog."It‘s all right," said a gentleman, "don‘t be afraid. Don‘t you know the proverb: Barking dogs don‘t bite?""Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
We attended the wedding of an acquaintance‘s son. Because we did not know the young man or his bride, we decided to send them a practical household gift, a fire extinguisher. Apparently, the couple mass-produced their thank-you notes because we received a card saying: "Thank you very much for the nice wedding gift. We look forward to using it soon.