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英语误解笑话

作者:高级段子手发布时间:2019年12月06日 12:19:19分类:英语笑话浏览:49评论:0


导读:
1、

Mrs Brown was going out for the day. She locked the house and tacked a note for the milkman on the door: NOBODY HOME. DON‘T LEAVE ANYTHING.

When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked(洗劫,掠夺) . On the note she had left, she found the following message added:

THANKS! WE HAVEN‘T LEFT ANYTHING!

布朗太太要外出一天。 她锁好了房门,在门上给送牛奶的人钉了一张便条:家里没人,请不要留下任何东西!

她当天晚上回家后发现房间门被撞开,房子被洗劫一空。在她留给送奶人的便条上,她发现被补充了一句:谢谢!我们什么也没留下!


2、

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

“你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗,安?”老师发问道。
“把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。”小女孩回答道。


3、The soldiers had been marching and fighting, they were dirty, hot and tired. One day, the general announced: "My men, I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which one would you like first?" "The good news!" they all shouted. "OK," said the General. "The good news is that you will each be receiving a complete change of clothing."  "Hurrah!" chorused the soldiers. "And now for the bad news. Jack, you will change with John. John, you will change with Tom. Tom, you will change with Robert. Robert .... 士兵们连续的行军,作战,他们又累又热又脏。一天,将军宣布:“士兵们,我有一些好消息和坏消息要告诉你们。你们愿意先听哪个呢?”
“好消息!”他们嚷道。 
“好吧,”将军说,“好消息就是你们每个人都可以彻底的换一身衣服。”
“乌拉!”士兵们高兴地大叫起来。
“现在呢,该是坏消息了。杰克,你将和约翰换衣服,约翰,你和汤姆换,汤姆,你和罗伯特换,罗伯特……”
4、

"Ten steps from the porch(门廊) and twenty steps from the rose bushes," growled Bluebeard in Jimmy‘s dream one night. "There be treasure there! Aawrgh."
So the next day Jimmy began to dig. He dug until the hole was deep and the dirt pile was high.
He kept digging. The hole got deeper and the dirt pile got higher.
He dug until the hole was deepest and the dirt pile was at its highest. He sighed. "I‘m too tired. I can‘t dig anymore." Then he spied something... but it was only one of Woofy‘s bones. Instead of treasure, all Jimmy had was a dog bone, a hole, and a big pile of dirt to fill it in with. He thought "That pirate lied to me!"
But when Jimmy‘s mother saw what he had done, she clasped(紧抱,扣紧) her hands and smiled a smile from here to Sunday. "Oh, thank you, Jimmy. I always wanted a rhododendron(杜鹃) bush planted just there. Here‘s $5.00 for digging that hole." 


5、

Pulling alongside our drive-up bank window, a woman was not happy with her position. So she backed up and pulled closer. Still not satisfied, she backed away and tried again. After five attempts, she finally parked the car and rolled down her window. I greeted her with a simple "Good morning".  
"Good morning," she replied cheerfully. "I‘m going to have to use this drive-up all the time. It‘s so easy!"

一位妇女把车沿着我们银行的驱车直达窗口开过来,可她并不满意于她停的位置。因此她倒车,靠得更近点。还是不满意,倒车,再来。五次努力后,终于她把车停下来,摇下车窗。我简单地问候她一声“早上好”。   
“早上好,”她愉快地回答说,“以后我都要使用这种驱车直达窗口。真是如此的方便。”


6、代课教师试图运用她的心理学知识。开始上课时,她说……A substitute teacher was trying to make use of her psychology background. She began her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you‘re stupid, please stand up." Right away, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Why do you think you‘re stupid, Little Johnny?" "I don’t, ma‘am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"代课教师试图运用她的心理学知识。开始上课时,她说:“谁觉得自己很愚蠢,请站起来。”小约翰马上站起来了。老师问:“为什么你觉得你很愚蠢呢,小约翰?”“我不觉得我很蠢,只是我不愿意你一个人站在那!”这篇材料你能听出多少?点击这里做听写,提高外语水平>>
7、

Talking on the Telephone
Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.
"You talk to people on the telephone and don‘t see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began.
The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone. He‘s on the other end, but you can‘t see him. He is listening though."
Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What‘s his number?"

在电话中交谈
每个星期天牧师都会把孩子们叫到教堂前面,然后给他们讲一个故事。一天,他为了更好地阐述祈祷的含义,带来了一台电话机。
“你们和别人在电话里交谈,并没有看到电话线另一端的人,对吗?”他开始问道。孩子们点头称是。“好的,和上帝交谈就象通过电话交谈一样。他就在另一端,虽然你看不见他,但是他正在聆听你的心声。”
就在这时,一个小男孩尖着嗓子问道:“那他的电话号码是什么?” 


8、

The squad were having “visual training”. One smart recruit was asked by the officer to count how many men composed a digging party in a distant field.The party was so faraway that the men appeared as mere dots, but unhesitatinglythe recruit replied: “Sixteen men and a sergeant,sir.” “Right;but how do you know there‘s a sergeant there?” “He‘s not doing any digging,sir.”

班里正在进行“视力训练”。一个聪明伶俐的新兵被班长叫出来数远处旷野上采掘队的人数。采掘队在很远的地方,那些人看起来只是一些小点儿。但是这个新兵毫不犹豫地回答。 “十六个兵外加一个中士,长官。” “正确,可是你怎么知道那儿有一个中士?” “他不干活,长官。”


9、

  "What are you so happy about?"a woman asked the 98-year-old man.
  "I broke a mirror," he replied.
  "But that means seven years of bad luck."
  "I know." he said, beaming,"Isn’t it wonderful?"

  这难道不好吗?
  “你高兴什么?”一个女士问一个98岁的老人。
  “我打碎了一个镜子。”他回答。
  “但那预示着7年的坏运气。”
  “我知道。”他高兴地说,“这难道不好吗?”

  NOTE
  beaming adj. 照耀的, 光亮的, 喜气洋洋的, 愉快的


10、

A small boy leading a donkey passed by an Army camp. A couple of soldiers wanted to have some fun with the lad(少年,小伙子) . What are you holding onto your brother so tight for, sonny? asked one of them.
So he won‘t join the army, the youngster replied without blinking an eye.

一个小男孩牵着头驴子穿过部队营房。两名士兵想跟小家伙开个玩笑:小孩,你把你哥哥牵得这么紧干什么?
这样,他就不会去参军了。小家伙眼都不眨地回答道。


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