Customer: Waiter, I‘ve only got one piece of meat in my dish.
Waiter:Just a moment, sir and I‘ll cut it in two.
Hanging in the hallway at Whites High School in Wabash, Ind., and the basketball team pictures from the past 40 years. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year - "62-63", "63-64", "64-65", etc.
One day I spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos. Turning to me, he said, "Isn‘t it strange how the teams always lost by one point?"
At the cleaner‘s, I noticed the sign "In by 10 a. m. , out by 5 p. m. " so I told the owner that I wanted to pick my clothing up at five. "it won‘t be ready," he said.
"But your sign says, ‘In by 10 a. m. , out by 5 p. m.‘," I reminded him.
"Oh," he replied, "that means me.
4、a young businessman had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. 一个年轻人刚刚开始做生意，就租了一个漂亮的办公室。一天，他坐在办公室里，看到有一个人在外面wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. he threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.于是他就装作生意很忙的样子，拿起电话胡吹乱侃，还不停的甩出几个大数字，好像在谈一笔大买卖。finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. "can i help you?" the man said, "sure. i‘ve come to install the phone."到了最后，他终于挂了电话，问来访的人，“有事儿嘛?”那个人回答，“我是来给你安装电话的。”
One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter,
the son took the letter ,
the father then remembered didn‘t write the address and addressee‘s name on the envelope.
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"Then why you didn‘t take it back?"
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee,“
is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"
Teacher: "John, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"
John: "What do you think it is, sir?"
Teacher: "I don‘t think, I KNOW!"
John: "I don‘t think I know either, sir!"‘
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer." The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I‘ll play it."
Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning,
he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
"You‘ve done the right thing," says Mommy.
"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy‘s lap."
Is he dying?
A man was sitting in a bar with tears streaming down his face. A friend walked in and asked why he was so unhappy. The weeping one said, The doctor has just told me I‘ll have to take these tablets for the rest of my life.
Cheerfully, his friend pointed out that many people have to take tablets every day of their life. Sure, came the reply, but he only gave me ten.
Traveler: Can I catch the three o‘clock train to Toronto?
Ticket agent: That depends on how fast you can run. It left fifteen minutes ago.
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