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英语高中笑话

作者:高级段子手发布时间:2019年12月06日 12:19:19分类:英语笑话浏览:29评论:0


导读:
1、

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You‘re a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
 


2、

My Boss and I When I take a long time, I am slow. When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough. When I don‘t do it, I am lazy. When my boss doesn‘t do it, he is too busy. When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart. When my boss does the same, that is initiative. When I please my boss, I am ass-kissing. When my boss pleases his boss, he is co-operating. I do good, my boss never remembers. When I do wrong, he never forgets.

我做事情花了长时间,是效率低; 老板做事情花了长时间,是深思熟虑。 我没有做完事情,是懒惰; 老板没有做完事情,是太繁忙。 没有人告诉我的事情我做了,是自作聪明; 老板做了同样的事情,是首创。 我取悦老板,是献媚; 老板取悦他的老板,是合作。 我干得好,老板从来不会想起; 我干得不好,老板从来不会忘记。


3、

There was a banker who attended a dinner party, and a friend said to him, "Oh! I heard that your bank is looking for a cashier," and the banker said "Yes, yes, we are, we are." And then the friend said, "But I thought you just hired one a few weeks ago."

So the banker replied, "Yes, yes, indeed, we did. That‘s the one we‘re looking for now."

So the friend said, "Can you describe him? What does he look like?" And the banker replied, "Well, he is about five feet tall and (we‘re about) one hundred thousand dollars short."

晚宴上,有位银行家坐在那儿,他的朋友问他:“我听说你们银行在找一位出纳,是吗?”银行家回答:“是的,我们是在找。”朋友说:“不过你们几个礼拜以前不是已经请到一个人了吗?”

银行家说:“我们确实是雇用了一个人,而我们现在就是在找这个人。”

那个友人说:“你说说看他长什么样子?”银行家回答:“他是五尺(无耻)之士,身长(藏)十万。”


4、

A cat and her four kittens ran into a large dog. When the kittens cowered, the cat let out a series of loud barks, scaring the dog away.  
Turning to her kittens, the cat said, "You see how important it is to know a second language."

一天,一只猫妈妈领着4只小猫在路上走,却遇到了一只大狗。小猫们吓的蜷缩成了一团,这时猫妈妈吼出了一连串的汪汪声,大狗被吓跑了。猫妈妈转过身来对几个小猫说,“孩子们,看看掌握一门外语是多么的重要呀!”


5、

A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, Aren‘t you pleased that you‘ve come to live with us now?

一位年轻的母亲认为,世界上还有许多受饥饿的人,浪费食物真不应该。有天晚上,在安排幼小的女儿睡觉之前,她给女儿喂夜宵。她先给她一片新鲜的黑面包和黄油,但孩子说她不喜欢这样吃。她还要一些果酱涂在面包上。母亲看了女儿几秒钟,随即说道,露茜,当我象你一样小的时候,总是吃面包加黄油,或者面包加果酱,从来没有面包既加黄油又加果酱。露茜看了母亲一会儿,眼中露出怜悯的神情,然后她柔声说:您现在能跟我们生活在一起难道不感到高兴吗?


6、

I teach computer courses, and my students often call me at home with questions. One morning I was on the phone, explaining in computer language the solution to a problem, while a repairman was fixing my refrigerator. After an endless stream of "C colon, back- slash, greater than, cd, backslash, DOS, 0 colon" and so on, I hung up and found the repairman staring at me. "Lady," he asked, are you a spy?"

我教计算机课程,我的学生经常打电话到我家问我问题。一天早晨,我在电话里用计算机语言解释一个问题的答案,当时一个维修工正在给我修电冰箱。经过一连串的“C冒号,回车,大于号,CD,回车,DOS,C冒号”等等,我挂上电话发现那位维修工在盯着我。“女士,”他问,“你是个间谍吗?”


7、

  "What are you so happy about?"a woman asked the 98-year-old man.
  "I broke a mirror," he replied.
  "But that means seven years of bad luck."
  "I know." he said, beaming,"Isn’t it wonderful?"

  这难道不好吗?
  “你高兴什么?”一个女士问一个98岁的老人。
  “我打碎了一个镜子。”他回答。
  “但那预示着7年的坏运气。”
  “我知道。”他高兴地说,“这难道不好吗?”

  NOTE
  beaming adj. 照耀的, 光亮的, 喜气洋洋的, 愉快的


8、

Mr.Clark,I‘m afraid I have bad news," the doctor told his“ patient."You only have six months to live." The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes.patient.克拉克先生,有个坏消息,你只有六个月可活了.”医生告诉他的病人.

"I can‘t possibly pay you in that time."病人惊呆了.“六个月我不可能付清医疗费.”

"Okay," the doctor said,"let‘s make it nine months."“好吧,”医生说,“那就九个月吧.”


9、

Englishman
  Once, late at night, an Englishman came out of his room into the corridor of a hotel and asked the servant to bring him a glass of water. The servant did as he was asked. The Englishman re-entered his room, but a few minutes later he came into the corridor again and once more asked the servant for a glass of water. The servant brought him another glass of water. Every few minutes the Englishmen would come out of his room and repeat his request. After a half-hour the astonished servant decided to ask the Englishman what he was doing with the water. "Nothing," the Englishman answered imperturbably, "It’s simply that my room is on fire."

一个英国人
   一天晚上,一个英国人从他住的旅店房间里走出来。来到走廊上,叫旅店的服务员给他拿一杯水来。服务员按他的要求做了。英国人回到了他的房间里,几分钟后 他又来到走廊上,让服务员再给他送一杯水。服务员又给他送了一杯水。每隔几分钟。英国人就走出房间重复他的要求。 半小时之后.这位感到惊讶的服务员决定问问房客要这些水干什么,英国人不谎不忙地回答:”没什么.只不过是我的房间里起火了。“

NOTE
corridor 走廊
re-entered re-是前缀,表示又一次
imperturbably 泰然地


10、

   After being with her all evening, the man couldn‘t take another minute with his blind date.

  和相亲对象呆了一晚上后,男人再也受不了了。

  Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.

  他事先安排了个朋友给他打电话,这样他就能借故先离开了。

  When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."

  当他回到桌边,他垂下眼睛,装出一副阴沉的表情,说:“有个不幸的消息,我的祖父刚刚去世了。”

  "Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn‘t, mine would have had to!"

  “谢天谢地!”他的约会对象说,“如果你的祖父不死,我的祖父就得死了!”


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