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跟英语有关系的冷笑话

作者:高级段子手发布时间:2019年12月06日 12:19:19分类:英语笑话浏览:33评论:0


导读:
1、

Professor: Before we begin the examination are there any question?

Student: What‘s the name of this course?

教授:在开始考试之前,还有什么问题吗?

学生:考试科目的名称是什么?


2、

Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn‘t see the bird, ma‘ am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma‘am, it just resembles your hair. "
Notes:
(1) inform v.告诉
(2) nest n.窝;巢
(3) description n.描述
(4) encourage v.鼓励
(5) resemble v. 相似;类似
鸟窝与头发
我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。
“是什么鸟呢?”我姐姐问她。
“我没看到鸟儿,老师,只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。
“那么,你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗?”我姐姐鼓励她道。
“哦,老师,就像你的头发一样。” 


3、

A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. Now, children, said she, has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?Please, teacher, said a small boy, I‘ve made someone glad yesterday.Well done. Who was that?My granny.Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grand mother glad.Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, ‘Granny, I‘m going home,’ and she said, ‘Well, I‘m glad’!

一个主日学校的老师正在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。现在,孩子们,她说:你们当中有谁让别人高兴过?我,老师,一个小男孩说:昨天我就使别人高兴过。做得好,是谁呢?我奶奶。好孩子,现在告诉我们,你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的。是这样的,老师。我昨天去看她,在她那儿呆了三个小时。然后我跟她说:‘奶奶,我要回家了。’她说:‘啊,我很高兴!’


4、

Our physics professor was struggling to draw the class into discussion of Archimede‘s principle of water displacement. He told us that Archimede noticed that when he got into a pool at the public bathhouse, the water rose spilling over the edge. Excited at his discovery, he ran down the street yelling, "Eureka, eureka!" The instructor asked if anyone knew what that meant.  
One student stood up and answered, "I‘m naked ! I‘m naked!"

我们的物理教授千方百计引导我们讨论阿基米德的排水原理。他告诉我们阿基米德去公共浴池洗澡,他进入池子,发现水涨高了,溢出池沿。他对这一发现十分激动,跑到街上高叫:“Eureka,Eureka!”教授问我们谁知道他喊的是什么意思。
一个学生站起来答道:“我光屁股啦,我光屁股啦!”
 


5、

The ability of the Kangaroo
The zoo built a special eight-foot-high enclosure for its newly acquired kangaroo, but the next morning the animal was found hopping around outside. The height of the fence was increased to 15 feet, but the kangaroo got out again. Exasperated, the zoo director had the height increased to 30 feet, but the kangaroo still escaped. A giraffe asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they‘ll build the fence?" "I don‘t know, " said the kangaroo. "Maybe a thousand feet if they keep leaving the gate unlocked.

袋鼠的能力

动物园为刚引进的袋鼠建了一个特殊的八英尺高的围墙。但是第二天早上,人们发现这动物在围墙外面蹦跳着。于是围墙高度增加到十五英尺,但袋鼠还是跑了出来。动物园经理甚感恼火,又叫人把围墙高度加到三十英尺,但袋鼠还是逃了出来。一个长颈鹿问袋鼠:“你认为他们会把围墙建到多高?” “我不知道,”袋鼠说,“如果他们继续开着大门,可能要修到一千英尺吧。”


6、

Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him. I was careful to call him a few days in advance to "warn" him that we would be coming. When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room. "Forgot we were coming, didn‘t you?" I teased.

"Are you kidding?" he replied, "Why else would I have bothered to clean?"

我们的儿子是密歇根州阿尔马大学的新生,开学几个星期之后,我和丈夫决定去看看他。我特意提前给他打电话,“提醒”他我们将光临。但是当我们来到宿舍时,他的房间凌乱不堪,我非常吃惊。“忘了我们要来,是吧?”我取笑他。

“开什么玩笑?”,他回答说,“要不我凭什么费神打扫?”


7、我在德克萨斯A&M大学兽医药学系学习的时候,同学们经常把动物带到州监狱里去治疗……As students in the college of veterinary medicine at Texas A & M University, we frequently treated the farm animals at the state prison. While awkwardly performing a medical procedure on an unruly horse, a classmate said to the prisoner who was holding the animal, "Sorry I‘m taking so long." "No problem," the prisoner replied, "I‘m doing seven years.我在德克萨斯A&M大学兽医药学系学习的时候,同学们经常把动物带到州监狱里去治疗。有一次我们笨手笨脚的给一匹烈马做完检查,我同学对一直按着这匹马的犯人说:“真是不好意思,我用了这么长时间。”“没关系,”他回答说,“我已经作了七年这种事了。”这篇材料你能听出多少?点击这里做听写,提高外语水平>>
8、

Mrs Brown was going out for the day. She locked the house and tacked a note for the milkman on the door: NOBODY HOME. DON‘T LEAVE ANYTHING.

When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked(洗劫,掠夺) . On the note she had left, she found the following message added:

THANKS! WE HAVEN‘T LEFT ANYTHING!

布朗太太要外出一天。 她锁好了房门,在门上给送牛奶的人钉了一张便条:家里没人,请不要留下任何东西!

她当天晚上回家后发现房间门被撞开,房子被洗劫一空。在她留给送奶人的便条上,她发现被补充了一句:谢谢!我们什么也没留下!


9、

The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates because every weekend on Visitor’s Day, most of the prisoners had family members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in his cell.

So one Visitor’s Day, the warden called George to his office and said, "I notice you’ve never had any visitors, George." Sympathetic, he put his hand on George’s shoulder. "Tell me, don’t you have any friends or family?"

George replied, "Oh, sure I do, Warden. It’s just that they’re all in here!"

典狱长对狱中一位囚犯深感同情,因为每逢周末的探访日,大多数囚犯都有家人或朋友来访,但是可怜的乔治总是孤伶伶地坐在自己的囚室中。

因此在一个探访日,典狱长把乔治叫到办公室说:“乔治,我注意到从来没有人来探望过你。”他满怀同情地把手放在乔治的肩膀上:“告诉我,你没有任何朋友或家人吗?”

乔治回答:“喔!当然有,典狱长,只不过他们全都在这里面!”


10、

A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you‘re stupid, stand up!"
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you‘re stupid, Johnny?"
"No, ma‘am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

一个老师在对学生们讲心理学,“谁认为自己蠢就站起来?”她一开始就说。
小约翰尼站了起来。
“你认为你很蠢吗,小约翰尼?”老师问。
“不是的,老师,我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”


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