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英语最有趣的谐音笑话大全爆笑

作者:高级段子手发布时间:2019年12月06日 12:19:19分类:英语笑话浏览:64评论:0


导读:
1、

A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted."
我和一个朋友在快餐店排队订餐,那里很醒目地写着,不接受超过20美元的大钞(请自备零钱)。

The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn‘t be eating here."
我们前边的一个女士指着这个牌子对我们说:“上帝保佑,如果我身上有超过20美元的话,我一定不会在这儿吃饭!”


2、

Mrs. Flinders decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant."  
"But you‘re not wearing any of those things."   
"I know," said Mrs. Flinders." It‘s in case I should die before my husband. I‘m sure he‘d remarry right away, and I want her to go nuts looking for the jewelry."

福林德斯夫人决定让人给她画肖像。她告诉那位肖像画家说:“画我带着钻石耳环、钻石项链、祖母绿手镯,还有红宝石垂饰。”   
“但你现在没带这其中的任何一样饰品。”
“我知道。”福林德斯夫人说,“万一我先我丈夫死去,我肯定他会立刻再婚。我要让那个女人为寻找这些珠宝而发疯。” 


3、

Things Have Been Okay
A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, Mom, the toast is burned.
You talked! You talked! Shouted his mother. I‘m so happy! But why has it taked this long?
Well, up till now, Said the boy, things have been okay.

一切都正常
一对年轻夫妇有个儿子,已经四岁了,还没有开口说话,他们对此深感焦虑。他们带他去找专家诊治,但医生们总觉得他没有毛病。后来有一天早上吃早餐时,那孩子突然开口了:妈妈,面包烤焦了。
你说话了!你说话了!他母亲叫了起来。我太高兴了!但为什么花了这么长的时间呢?
哦,在这之前,那男孩说,一切都很正常。


4、

At a dinner party a shy young man had been trying to think of something nice to say to his hostess. At last he saw his chance when she turned to him and remarked, "What a small appetite you have tonight, Mr. Jones.""To sit next to you," he replied gallantly, "would cause any man to lose his appetite."

在一次晚餐聚会上,一位腼腆的年青人一直在冥思苦想对女主人说一些好听的话。机会总于来了,女主人转向他说:“琼斯先生,您今晚的饭量太小了。”“坐在您身边,”他殷勤的说道,“任何男人都会失去胃口的。”


5、

The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn‘t let him aboard.

It is too crowded, they shouted. who do you think you are?

I am the driver. he said.

公共汽车上很挤,当又一个人还是试图上车时,乘客们不让他上。

车上太挤了,他们喊道,你以为你是谁?

我是司机!他说。


6、

Younger Scout: How can I tell the difference between a mushroom and a toadstool(毒菌) ?Older Scout: Just eat one before you go to bed. If you wake up the next morning, it was a mushroom.

年少的童子军:我怎样才能把蘑菇和毒蕈区别开呢?年长的童子军:上床前吃一个。如果你第二天早上醒来,那就是蘑菇。


7、

A shoplifter(商店扒手) was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don‘t want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook(骗子,坏蛋) looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."

一个小偷在一家珠宝店企图偷走一只手表的时候被当场擒获。“听着,”小偷说,“我知道你们也不想惹麻烦。我把这只表买下,然后我们就当什么也没发生,你看怎样?”

经理表示同意,然后列了一张售货单。小偷看着单子说道:“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点,你们还有没有便宜一点儿东西。"


8、

Mr. Henry Beecher entered Plymouth Church one Sunday and found several letters awaiting him. He opened one and found it contained the single word ″Fool″. Quietly and with becoming seriousness he announced to the congregation the fact in these words:
″I have known many an instance(实例) of a man writing a letter and forgetting to sign his name, but this is the only instance I have ever known of a man signing his name and forgetting to write the letter.″

一个星期天,亨利·比切先生到普利茅斯的教堂去,在那里有他的几封信。他打开其中一封,发现信中只写着“傻瓜”两个字。
他平静而认真地把这件事告诉教友们:“写信时忘了签名的人,我遇到过很多,但只签了名却忘了写信的人,我还是头一次遇到。”


9、

Younger Scout: How can I tell the difference between a mushroom and a toadstool(毒菌) ?Older Scout: Just eat one before you go to bed. If you wake up the next morning, it was a mushroom.

年少的童子军:我怎样才能把蘑菇和毒蕈区别开呢?年长的童子军:上床前吃一个。如果你第二天早上醒来,那就是蘑菇。


10、

Talking on the Telephone
Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.
"You talk to people on the telephone and don‘t see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began.
The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone. He‘s on the other end, but you can‘t see him. He is listening though."
Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What‘s his number?"
在电话中交谈   
每个星期天牧师都会把孩子们叫到教堂前面,然后给他们讲一个故事。一天,他为了更好地阐述祈祷的含义,带来了一台电话机。
“你们和别人在电话里交谈,并没有看到电话线另一端的人,对吗?”他开始问道。孩子们点头称是。“好的,和上帝交谈就象通过电话交谈一样。他就在另一端,虽然你看不见他,但是他正在聆听你的心声。”
就在这时,一个小男孩尖着嗓子问道:“那他的电话号码是什么?”


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